A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can’t seem to enjoy sex. The other night after a drunken evening out I ended an 8 year ‘drought’ on sex. It was with a girl I’ve liked for some time now but I guess the fact I am not confident with girls and have not had much experience I find the whole process , to be honest, unpleasant and awkward.I guess when you have had that long without anyone close to you, you think of it being something amazing but I spent the whole time worrying if I was pleasing her, finding it difficult to keep an erection and in fact the sensations themselves were unpleasant. I was I hadn’t drunk so much and that the situation could have happened more naturally (I don’t even remember getting into bed with her…just kind of realization half way through – typically far too drunk regret story I guess!) but we did it again the next day as I wanted to make sure to let her know it wasn’t just because I was drunk, but the same issues applied.How do I know if she is enjoying it or not when I don't even feel like I know what I'm doing? I just wanted the whole thing to be over!Am I just not made for sex or relationships? I’m worried that instead of gaining something I am going to end up just making the whole thing awkward and losing a friend. I don’t know how to read signs … how can I tell if she likes me or if she also was drunk and maybe regrets things? I want to make more of it but if that cannot happen I want to at least remain good friends. How can I avoid making things awkward and how can I tell if she wants to pursue things or not?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Stop drinkin n bringin it with intimacy. This ruins everything. Booze is a depressant so its bound to.bring u down in every way. Take this girl out n talk to her. A date wouldnt be a bad idea just dont be a wuss n pay for her. Good luck.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 July 2012):
 Let me share one of my experiences, hopefully it might help you.
A while ago I dated a guy who was 29, good looking guy who was succesful, fun and overall a nice guy. No-one would ever have thought that actually no female had ever made him (excuse me being graphic here) ejaculate. In fact all he had ever managed in his entire life was a couple of minutes of sex which he then lost his erection and that was it.
There was nothing medically wrong with him, and he did get 'horny' so to speak, it was just when it came to actually being with a girl he couldnt ever seem to enjoy himself.
So when it came to dating me, we went on quite a few dates, got to know each other and had a good time. We didnt even begin to do anything remotely sexual until we had been dating for a good few weeks - I honestly think this helps loads for guys that are having 'problems' when it comes to sex. You need to be really comfortable around the girl you are getting intimate with, you need to know that you are both really into each other before you can truly relax and enjoy being together.
Back to this guy again - when we started fooling around he still had the same problems as he always had in the past, but over time he gradually began to enjoy it more and he often said that he felt he was getting closer and closer to ejaculating each time, and he was maintaining his erections for a lot longer.
I think when you have been single for a long time and stayed away from sex you men get too used to yourselves (if you know what I mean) so getting used to the sensations of a woman (compared to your own hand) takes a long time.
What you need is to find a girlfriend, or at least a girl you want to spend a lot of time with and take things very slowly. Get to know her by going on dates, working up to spending the night together (but not sex). Sleeping over together without doing anything sexual will get you more comfortable being around each other and will also build up the desire and sexual tension.
I know that is easier said than done - but what I mean is dont allow yourself to get drunk and go home with the girls you like. If you genuinely like a girl, then take her on a date and do it properly, never get drunk and then hope for the best when you go home together.
The more comfortable you can be around a girl before you try doing anything sexual the better - and if you find a girl that genuinely likes you too then she wont mind that you want to take things slowly. Dont write off sex and relationships just yet, you simply havent met the right girl and have not been in the right situation yet to make sex work.
Keep an open mind and keep trying! Good luck
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 No one ever has a good sexual experience when they are drunk or hung-over, and if they do, they are likely lying. I have never had an orgasm having sex while I was drunk and that was probably your problem too. Also, if you haven't been with anyone for awhile, a lot of it is probably nerves. Don't be so hard on yourself. Call your girl up and ask her out again. Talk about your experience and tell her that you're sorry if you didn't pleasure her. That's what relationships are all about, being honest and caring.
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