A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a tricky situation right, and I would really appreciate it if you guys could help!I'm 18 years old and during spring this year, I started dating my best friend. We're in the same class, and by april we were a couple. He had liked me since last summer, at least he told me but that probably went on and off before we started dating, since I didn't feel the same way. During the christmas break I started liking him, but I was very confused because he was my best friend, and not what would usually fall for! So I just let it be, but when we started going out my feelings came back, though they never felt as strong... I was very stressed during the exams so I only had time for him and not so much for my friends. But when the summer break started I felt a lot more relaxed and got back the joy of being with friends and partying. But then our group friends, including him, went to a festival together... During that week, we fought a lot and I felt like I wanted him to change but I was still in love with him. The last night I was with an old flame and his friends another place than were my boyfriend was. This old flame has always been my weakness because I've liked him on and off since the third grade. We ended up kissing that night... I know this is bad and I felt terrible but I've chosen not to tell my boyfriend because it would only hurt him... Then we both went separately on vacation for a month. During that time, I didn't even feel like texting him or seeing him.. When I got back ( he was already home) I chose to see one of my friends before I even saw him.... I didn't know what was happening to my feelings and why.. Then I got worse; we started school and I did not feel like talking to him or being with him and I started thinking about breaking up, but was very much in doubt because I didn't want to do something I'd regret. But then we met up one night and talked about things and decided to break up... He had felt the change in me and we agreed that it didn't work out. First I was sad but thought it was going to be fine. Then we talked about thing and I just got even sadder... Two days after we broke up, we met up after school and talked and accidentally kissed.. The next day he came to my house and slept over.. It felt just like before and I felt that I wanted to talk to him and be with him and I enjoyed doing it, in a way I hadn't felt in a long time... But then two days after at the end of the weekend, he came over again and told me he had kissed another girl the night before... I got really angry but we weren't together so what could I say.... Now my question is... should we try it out again, or am I just feeling this need to see him because now he's not mine anymore ...? I'm pretty confused.. :/
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best friend, broke up, christmas, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 HI
Yes it is natural to feel alone and miss the partner you split from. It will get better with time. I feel from what you have written shows you already know your answer to be honest, so what are you afraid of here the most? being alone or him being happier with someone else? either way it's unfair to him and yourself to carry on doing this. Stay friends and take time out to find out what you really are missing in your life right now.
Mandy x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback :)
We've started seeing each other again...
After we broke up I found out that I really wanted to be with him and talk to him again and so on... But is that only because I'm feeling lonely and a bit sad we broke up and that I might "lose" my feelings again if we get back together... or did I just need a wake up call? Or to put it another way, is it normal to have strong doubts about breaking up and wanting to see the other person again right after the break up, even though it might not even be the right thing to do?? and that once everything is back to normal, I don't want to be with him again :/ :/ I'm just really confused...
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (5 September 2013):
HI
If your feeling like you can't even be bothered to text or even talk to him at times then you did the right thing by ending it. Your not in love with him BUT you love him. Stay friends and who knows one day you may be right for each other. You have to let go of it and let him move on, you need to socialize with more people, keep busy, and before you know it you will be good friends again without the pressure of anything else.
Mandy x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): Your feelings are on-again-off-again.
Basically, you need him when it's convenient for you. He's the fill-in boyfriend when your social-life slows down.
What you feel and are experiencing is very normal for your age, and typical for young people in general.
Some relationships are just not all that intense; but it doesn't mean you don't care a lot for each other. The deeper you feel, the closer you are.
You were friends first. That makes you comfortable knowing he will always be there; so you are able to relax and enjoy your friends and some freedom. Believe it or not, that is very healthy.
The part that isn't right, is when you take him for granted. You put him aside and don't think about him while you're having a good time. Then it all winds down, you're ready to take him back. That isn't right, nor is if fair.
On the other-hand, you both go back and forth kissing other people. That means you should let the relationship fade back to just being friends, and just go about being single for awhile.
You only fear losing him and the convenience to have him as a fill-in boyfriend when you're not busy. You also feel he may not like you as much; that just makes you cling a little tighter when you're scared.
You did the right thing to let go.
It's normal to have second thoughts after breaking up. In this case, you did it for the right reasons. It's time to enjoy being single and seeing other people when you want to.
Sometimes you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone. Just remember, you both have kissed other people; so you will only get jealous if this continues. So enjoy some time apart from being a couple. Friendship will always hold you together.
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