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Am I just fantasizing about other people due to boredom in this relationship?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 January 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 22 January 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *ady P writes:

Ive been in a relationship for 13 months and it has been quite turbulent to put it politely. The guy im with i have been friends with for 4 years before we got together. I have recently stopped smoking cannabis after years of smoking it and i am finding it hard as my partner is still smoking it in the house in front of me. He is unemployed and has been for quite a while and i work and he hardly ever has any money. He keeps "borrowing" money off me and never repays it when he says he will. I always pay for EVERYTHING. He has took me out once in this time and to sum it all up im sooo bored! There has been a guy at work who i get on with so well. We e-mail all day and when we see each other we are both shy as i think we both have feelings for each other! I have been trying to break up with my bf for months now before this guy even came on the scene but he crys tells me he will do stupid things and begs me to stay with him! I am also getting feelings for a girl aswell who admitted she like me! Am i just fantisisng about other people for coz of the boredom in this relationship? Help!

View related questions: at work, money, shy

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A female reader, Lady P United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2010):

Lady P is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your replys! To be honest i think i already knew the answer of the question I am just dreading actually ending it as i know he will not make it easy and i hate hurting people! Many thanks again though and i'll write an update when its done! :) x

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A female reader, Miss King ! United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2010):

Miss King ! agony auntI agree, your boyfriend gets upset when you tell him your frustrations, but he's not crying about losing you he's crying for himself and how difficult things would be without you.

You're obviously a strong woman who has put up with working hard to support him, but if I were you I would give him an ultimatum, tell him that you're fed up with working for him, tell him you don't appreciate that he still smokes around you when you have tried hard to stop and tell him that ifhe can't change his ways, get a job and start treating you properly then he's gone.

As for the girl and the guy you're interested in, I would say that yeah- the reasons you're getting interested in other people is due to you're boyfriend being so dissapointing. Don't feel bad for it though!! Tell your boyfriend what he needs to do, and if he doesnt do it, go for the guy at work- he clearly really likes you!! good luck x x

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (22 January 2010):

Honeypie agony auntYou have a worthless partner who mooches off you, no wonder you are having fantasies. But, instead of jsut day dreaming about a better man, how about dumping the old one and go looking for a better one?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2010):

yes, basically. It's clear your boyfriend is utterly worthless if he's on drugs and isn't at least looking for a job. Leave. You can do better.

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