A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months. I am 21 and hes 26. Hes a very flirty guy and other girls love him but he's always made it clear that I'm the one and everyone can see how happy and in love we are.About a month into our relationship he went on a lads holiday away, which I was abit worried about as the friends that went are either single or the ones in a relationship cheat on their girlfriends constantly. But I felt since we are both so in love with each other that I could trust him.After he came back I was insecure that he'd cheated as seen naked picture of him on this girls facebook profile, but when I confronted him he said it was just a drunken misunderstanding and got it removed instantly. Since then I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right so went through his phone (which I knew was wrong). There was text messages off him and his friend saying "if our girlfriends find out what we got up to we'll be single lets hope they never find out". I confronted him about this he said it was in relation to drugs (as he know I dont approve of it) however the friend has a history of cheating on his girlfriend and slept with another girl on this holiday.I put all this behind me and forgot about it as he promised that there was just me and he'd never cheat or lie to me ever as he'd been cheated on himself in previous relationships, thats why I've always been very honest and upfront with him.I went away last month for my birthday with family and when I came back I couldn't wait to see my boyfriend as we are so loved up. We spent that night kissing and cuddling telling each other how much we loved the other. The next morning I asked to go on his laptop to reset my ebay password as there was a data scandal and I was unable to do it while on holidays and normally he just says yeah whereas this time he said yeah but make sure I am logged out of facebook. This got me suspicious so I went through his messages again, to find that the night I went away he'd messaged a 17 year old girl to meet up with her and her friend for sex. I was disgusted and hurt and told him straight away that he needed to come home and explain himself. He deleted the messages so no one else could see them now and he swears nothing happened and he only messaged her as he was feeling insecure about himself and missing me which I do believe.However since he tried hiding these messages I am finding it really hard to trust him again which is causing big arguments, he has tried proving that he wont do anything stupid like that again as realise it was a big mistake but its just at the back of my mind constantly and has now got me questioning if anything went on during his lads holiday.Am I just being stupid and paranoid as I do really love him but I dont want to be hurt and betrayed and these arguments are ruining us, should I put it all behind us and move on any advice??
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 No, you absolutely should NOT put it all behind you and pretend all is okay. Your boyfriend is a cheater, my dear. He's blinding you. You're justifying his seeking out sex from other women by saying it was because he missed you and felt insecure. People who truly miss their partners when they are away, and really love them, don't seek out sex from others in the meantime. People who truly love their partners can't wait til their bf or gf/husband or wife come back and can't imagine ever betraying them with another person like that. His behavior is the behavior of a lying, cheating man who is not committed to you at all. And you're allowing yourself to be blinded by his words.
If I were you, I would muster up as much courage and strength as I could and quickly end this relationship. He has clearly shown you (blatantly) that he's completely untrustworthy and you deserve WAY better than the crap he's pulling. And you know it's crap, too. Deep down. You know it's completely unacceptable to message other women for sex when you are in a committed relationship. Don't let him fool you into thinking otherwise. Because you'll be back on this site in six months saying you caught your bf yet again, propositioning another girl for sex, and what should you do. It won't stop.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 July 2014):
 Well, you broke HIS trust by snooping. He broke yours by lying AND trying to set up a NSA sex date with a 17 year old. Personally, his EXCUSE that he felt insecure and missed is pathetic. Really that is the BEST excuse he could come up with? So the fact that YOU were on holiday and he felt "insecure" makes it ALL OK?
As for the "lads trip and consequent naked photo of him on ANOTHER girls FB, was all a misunderstanding? How so? How did he HAPPEN to be naked? How did SHE happen to have that picture?
It seems to me that he is FULL of excuses and that YOU don't trust him (and with good reason it seems) Unfortunately that puts you in the "snoop mode" you think you HAVE to snoop on him to ensure he isn't cheating. But here is the FACTS, HE can cheat and you snooping won't change. HE lies to you, thinking it's easier then being honest. And that in turns causes YOU to trust him even less and to snoop more, it's a vicious circle.
What would you need from him to put it behind you? Do you know?
You can't just snap your fingers and BAM! you now trust him completely, specially when he has done things he KNOWS doesn't belong in a relationship.
You can continue to date him, he will continue to "do his thing" ( I seriously don't think he WON'T cheat on you given the chance) You can be the one who constantly has to "suck up" and who has to feel like YOU are the crazy one for doubting him.
OR you can end it.
LOVING him with all your heart and all your soul... will NOT make him be faithful if he doesn't REALLY want to be faithful.
You have a guy who SAYS the one thing you WANT to hear, but does he back it up with actions?
As I read your post it almost seems like YOU feel it's ALL your fault that the relationship is falling apart. IT ISN'T. You shouldn't HAVE to feel like snooping. You shouldn't HAVE to feel you can't really trust him. You shouldn't FEEL crazy for not trusting him.
You are still so young. YOU get to decide how people treat you. (for the most part) by NOT allowing people to WALK all over you, in the name of love other anything else.
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