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female
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anonymous
writes: HELP! I don't know whats wrong, my relationship has been a little up and down recently and I am extremely confused. At a party the other nite a girl was all over my boyfriend, everyone the party noticed and said it to me, there are photo;s too. this girl was touching him, saying he was gorgeous, following him around all nite and even hugging him from behind and kissed his kneck. He doesn't really look like he even noticed in the picture but it really annoyed me. Then he was chatting away to my friend, laughing and that and she was asking him advise on this guy she likes and for some reason I felt jealous, I felt hurt and angry as I really felt like they were flirting. I said it to him today and he got angry with me for it and I said maybe i'm just being paranoid and protective after the incident at the party! Now I feel like he hates me! Am I just being silly??? We have been together for 2 years and our relationship hasn't exactly been a stable one!
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 Hi Anon,
This is my take on things: your boyfriend should have said something in the beginning that he already had a girlfriend. It's one thing to talk to someone and have a good time, but it has definitly crossed that border when kissing is involved.
You need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. If he doesn't want to hear it then you know something's wrong. You both are not on the same page of what the relationship should be. You need to lay down what you both think would be good ground rules because obviously these things have yet to be established. It's like you two expect something different out of this relationship which is maybe why it hasn't been a very stable one for you to begin with.
If talking to him and laying out your feelings and trying to work out this situation doesn't seem to get through to him at all or if he gets angry for you wanting to talk about it, then you need to seriously consider if you want to stay in this relationship. He is being disrespectful toward you (at least in my opinion). And question whether or not you think he will do this in the future (from what it sounds like he will, because he doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with it.). Then you need to figure out whether or not you'll be able to put up with this for the rest of your relationship with him. But, like I said, that's only if he's unwilling to sit down and talk, and actually listen and understand everything that happened.
Also, I have to assume you weren't at the party. Am I right? Because if you were there, you should have stopped that right away, either by saying something like "yes, he's gorgeous - I'm so lucky!" or hugging him when she started to physically flirt with him - touching him and whatnot. It's one thing to not want to be considered a jerk if that's why you didn't break that up (if you were there), but it's another to let some other girl tromp all over your relationship. By the way, do you know if she had any idea that your man was already in a relationship? Maybe she'll cool it down if she knows. (But still it remains that he let her get physical with him.)
So I recommend to try and have a serious discussion with him and if this ever happens again and you are there, tell the other girl to 'get lost' by getting close to your guy.
Hope it all works out for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): now, remember that this guy belongs to you, he has already said yes to go out with you - commitment towards to you.
maybe a little flirt here and there but try to think if you was him wat would you do, of course you would flip aswell
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