| A
female
,
*itched
writes: I am 41, my boyfriend of two years is 45. We are both divorced parents with children. He comes over to my home everyweek day, I rarely see him in the evening. His children are total spoiled brats that he runs to every beck and call. They get absolutely no discipline. His children could do something very bad and instead of punishing them, he gives them money for the mall. Almost like paying them to get out of his hair for the time being. We can be out to lunch, in a movie, etc, his cell phone rings and it is either his 14 or 9 yr old screaming for the password to the computer (which he gives into) or screaming for a video, (which he gives into). Our plans stop immediately every time they call. He even stops during sex to take thier whining pleads for McDonalds. My family and friends all know about our relationship, including my children, ages 19 and 10. His family and friends do not know about our relationship, either do his children. I understood at first that it would be hard for them, but it seems like that time will never happen. He does not take me to parties or weddings that he is invited to. For instance today, he attended his friends birthday party with his 9 yr old daughter. Last weekend he attended a friends wedding with his 9 yr old. I am never invited to anything. I have invited him to every family and friend event I have. He goes for snowmobiling trips and skiing trips in the winter with his children and his friends family, I sit home. He tells me the reason why he does not do much at night is because his children do not go to bed. His 9 year old will not go to bed until he is home because she sleeps with him. Although his children know we spend time together, he jumps like a hot pepper if he was to close to me if one would walk through the door. I am seeing this relationship as me being a bed buddy for him during the day, or is it he is afraid of his own children?
View related questions:
divorce, money, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, daydreamer2  +, writes (10 September 2010):
oh my god i really feel for you. . He should not be ponderin to their every whim. Perhaps he feels guilty for not being with their mother? . . I really think that he needs to show you that you are important to him because right now he is treating you as if you are a convinience. His kids will leave one day and if he doesnt put you some where on his priority list you will be gone too. I'd ask him where he saw your relationship going as I too have children however I have time for me too. His children shud have routine and for his child to insist he sleeps with them is ridiculous. Can you put up with this tho? And would bein in a full relationship be a good thing as you will be confronted with more. Ofcourse his kids come first however you should be way up there too x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): Wow...your jealousy and resentment towards children is not very healthy. Think the bf picks up on this and that is why he doesn't push for a more commited relationship?
Who wants to date someone who resents their children? Not good.
Who has custody? If he fighting for custody? Does he date you when he has the children?
Maybe he is extremely family oriented and maybe he feels he would be intruding on your time if he asked you. Maybe he hasn't decided if he wants a long term relationship. Maybe he is still trying to sort his life out and you are someone he can trust and rely on...which comes across as him using you, true.
If he has the children and he is with you; then feelings of guilt over abandoning them for long periods of time compells him to answer the phone and give in to their demands.
You really need to calm down and think with a clearer mind here. Try to understand his side if you want any understanding on your side of things.
Time to tell him how you feel. Think about it and write it down. Leave the paper for two days. Go back to it and this time, read it over and see if there are things you can tone down...like does the anger come out in this sentence??
I think you need to decide if you want to endure this "relationship" anymore if you are wiling to move on and find a man who can commit.
I think EVERYONE...your children and his as well as you and him; need to get to some counselling.
And really, if it was the other way around Chica; what would you think of someone you are with being resentful towards your children?
Good Luck.
...............................
|
