A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so my boyfriend of two years is very nice. Hes kind to me but he knows i have issues with him having female friends (diff story-he cheated once before etc) . Hes very considerate about everyone so much so it kind of annoys me. Hes nice about everyone and i want him to just be nice to me coz otherwise i dont feel special ....Well to be honest i was snooping and found an email to a new foreign girl in his work saying oh i know you hang out with older people so if you want to meet to swim (he does everyday) or go for a drink let me know. I dont know how to feel about this. Its abiit personal to go for a swim with someone? Unless he was just fitting her into his schedule already? Am i overreacting? He lived abroad before and said it was hard for him to make friends. So im thinking now is that why he is being nice to her. She wrote back this elaborate id love to and now im worried she has wrong idea. Shes also like twenty and im thirty so im really shook by this. Why once again is he seeking friendship with another girl. Am i not enough? Is there something in it or is he actually just being nice and doesnt realise its inappropriate? I seem to constantly tell him not to have female friends but once again here he goes.My family think he is mad about me. Am i just insecure? Im wondering now will he tell me or just not seen as i made a scence before. Also hes barely making time for me (hes in work and college) so how come hes making time for a stranger? Is he actually that nice or does he just like hanging out with other women and getting attention from them???I feel really upset. Please help.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (14 February 2012):
 Yes, swimming with co-workers would be really awkward and unprofessional. I wouldn't want to see any co-workers in swim trunks or bikinis. It's not professional and it is NOT normal. I have yet to hear of a male-female co-worker relationship, where they went to go swimming together. Going out to drinks is fine, but the swimming is not. Now put the two together and it's really unprofessional.
He's already cheated on you and you're clearly never going to trust him again. The real question is: how many times are you going to take this? You tell him not to have female friends(which is silly and unhealthy) and he has inappropriate relationships anyway. He will most likely cheat on you again if he hasn't already. You're wasting time with a man who likes females too much.
A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (14 February 2012):
 It would be difficult to confront him about this considering you were the one snooping in on his emails and discovered the interaction between the two. He will use that against you if you decide to confront him.I see a few red flags reading this. He's cheated on you before, he never has time for you, and there is a girl he's talking too through email asking for a swim and a drink, which signifies she's interested in him.Telling a guy to not do something can have negative affects. For example, you have told him multiple times that he isn't allowed to have female friends. Guys don't like that, and seem to want to do it even more when they are told not too. That, and even if she's *just* a friend to him, he probably feels like he has to hide it to avoid upsetting you. You haven't mentioned- has your boyfriend responded to these advances? How did he respond to these advances? What has he said to her? Here's what you need to do. Suggest that you would like to start exercising more, and that you would like to try swimming. Also mention that you barely see him, and swimming would be a fun way to spend time together. Or if he goes swimming during your work hours, ask if he can change his swimming session to a time when you can come as well. See how he reacts to your suggestion to swimming with him. Liars have a habit of looking the other way and pausing when answering.
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