A
male
age
30-35,
*hehunter
writes:This is going to be a long one. Please take time to read and help me.I recently started dating my best friend's sister.She had two past relationship, I was a virgin and she is my first. She told most of her past, hearing it all made me cringe and developed a sort of hatred too. Anyways, we are going on smoothly but sometimes I just feel like maybe I am making a mistake being with her. Some reasons why :1)She said she rarely got wet when having sex with her exes nor did she enjoy it.She had unprotected sex. She says she just started getting wet since we have been together. She stains the bed. Is this a lie, or is it any chance of STD?2)I feel she was always ready and initiative in her previous relations. She used to bring them home, go to their home even when their parents were present and have sex and all. When we make plans about meeting and spending time, she says "I’m special and doesn’t want to put me at any risk". So she doesn’t want to bring me or come to my house. She says since we are going to marry, she doesn’t want me to look bad in her parent's eyes. I feel like she had all her fun she wanted to and now caught me so as to settle down. Can this be the reasons?3)She also said she was planning to have affairs and when time comes she would marry a rich older man but since we been together she only wants me and wants us to get married when we can. She also said that her past relations were only for fun.I really want to marry her and I love her a lot but sometimes insecurity hits me.Am I making a wise decision to marry her?Is she really in love with me or is she just settling with me after having all the fun she wanted? Am I like a last option?Kindly please help me make a good decision .I am patiently waiting for some help.Thank you all.
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affair, best friend, her ex, her past, older man, std, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, thehunter +, writes (22 March 2013):
thehunter is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhoneypie:
she isn't in touch with anyone but she keeps talking about them.Just yesterday, She said that she never even thought she would tell her husband that she isn't a virgin.We are planning to get married as time comes but things such as these hurt me a lot. I really love her and want to settle with her. The question I keep having in mind is Is she planning to marry me not because she loves me but because she finds herself secure with me.I don't say I the best guy out there but I come from a decent family with good status.
Really confused. Should I just wait for sometime and enjoy the relation and think about marriage later on?
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (21 March 2013):
 If you are worried you have an std go get tested, there's often no symptoms so we can't say if you have or haven't. Her discharge sounds 100% normal though!
If you have doubts do the right thing and talk to her about them. If it hurts to hear her talk about ex's ask her not to. She probably just thinks its funny and doesn't realise how it is affecting you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 March 2013):
 Seems like the LAST thing you should do, is to marry her any time soon.
If she is still in touch with the guys she slept with (who she claims did nothing FOR her sexually and so forth) then she isn't taking the relationship serious with you.
I would back off.
Also, you NEED to stop resenting her for having a past. It's not like she can change that part.
And being MORE wet around you, doesn't mean she has an STD. Just that she is more aroused.
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A
male
reader, thehunter +, writes (21 March 2013):
thehunter is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI felt she had all the fun because she told me ,she never intended to marry them and had sex with them just for fun, yet she said she never enjoyed sex with them. so this is making me confused.
she stains the bed by the discharge from her V. She said she never had such wetness before. So, I'm also worried about STD because she had unprotected sex with her last bf and he was a cheater.
Even today she talks of them and makes jokes about going to their houses and the time they spent together.
It makes me really worried about our future together.Is she really the one i should settle down for. I'm mostly depressed since we have been together.
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A
male
reader, Terrible Tadpole  +, writes (21 March 2013):
So... how do you feel about her? This cringe and hatred, who is that for?
In any case, you have some serious questions to answer. And you're the only one who can answer them. Look inside yourself. Nobody else can answer for you... we don't know you and we don't know her.
To me you sound really badly conflicted and uncertain.
Doesn't sound like a good start.
My advice is: Wait and learn each other better.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (21 March 2013):
It doesn't sound like she was having a lot of fun with her ex's more like she felt used. She doesn't want to make the same mistakes again so she is trying to do the right thing with you.
It is not her fault you were a virgin when you met and not her fault she wasn't. That's just the way it was and shouldn't affect your relationship. She has chosen to be with you.
What do you mean she stains the bed? As in she bleeds? If she is getting wet that is a good sign that she actually fancies you! If she wasn't wet you would assume she wasn't into it.
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