A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I had been dating a guy for over a year and split early in the new year. Initially, it was my choice as he had become so negative, always talked about his ex wife and forgot about my needs. After a couple of weeks I realised that I really wanted to work through this with him as I really missed him and loved him.However, at that point he felt that we should have a break so he could sort his life out. Six months later he is still sorting his life out and says that he needs more time. He still has problems with his ex wife, he has two of the children at home, a son of 17 and a daughter who is 13 and can be challenging.I have made it known to him thoughout this time that I am waiting for him. I have tried to move on but I am finding it impossible. We have seen each other as friends for a couple of times over the last few weeks, but we had sex on Saturday night. We agreed that we needed to think but he still came back with the same message that we need to be friends until he sorts his life out.I have put my details on 2 dating sites in the last couple of days. I am not sure if it is the right thing to do as I feel so incredibly guilty. I really just want to start our relationship again and not start a new one with someone else but how long must I wait. I really do believe that we are connected spiritually. We are compatable in so many ways, intellectually, sexually, we have the same interests. Should I tell him that I have put my details on the site as I am giving up hope and feel that this may be the only way forward? Am I hanging on to a dream? If I ask him his intentions he just repeats that he must sort out his head and issues before he can give me what I need. Is this just a brush off?
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female
reader, Gio  +, writes (4 June 2008):
You dont mention how along ago your friend broke up with his ex wife, but I am assuming not long ago? It is true that we all need time to sort out things, specially when kids are involved. But it is also true that it is not healthy to keep on living in the past.
Think if you really want to be just a shoulder to cry on, or if you want a proper relationship.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Hi, sorry to hear that the initial relationship didn't work out, and that he's still sorting things out in his head.
My advice to you is not to put your own life on hold, waiting for him to sort things out. Move ahead, join the dating sites, meet new people, get out there in the world. There is no reason whatsoever that you should feel guilty about this on his behalf. It is not fair to keep you dangling and expect that your life grinds to a halt for him.
Life's timing sometimes just doesn't work out, the cold hard and nasty truth. Even if you two connect on a certain level, the fact that he can't commit right now might indicate that he's not as into you as you'd like him to be.
So stop feeling guilty, tell him what you've done so that he understands that you're not prepared to wait around for him. It might be a catalyst for him to commit, but don't get your hopes up in that regard.
What was that line in Auntie Mame? Get out there and LIVE!!! (They forgot to throw in the need for protection during sex though...or at least Agnes Gooch did.)
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