A
female
age
41-50,
*ali-Mah
writes:A few weeks ago I was talking to my boyfriend about how stressful it is still living at home and about how my job is pretty much the same ( I work with my downed syndrome brother, which I mostly do the job to help my mom because she's been through a lot ). But its not that I can't deal with the everyday stuff, its some of the more major stuff that my parents try to get me stuck in the middle of, or badger me about money. They say they don't want me to leave home and all, yet the complain that I don't do anything to help them, yet I'm only home 2 days a week because I stay overnight at my job because my brother has his own house. Thing is, my boyfriend told me that once he found a house, that I could stay with him. Neither of us have mentioned this since he said this but a few days ago he asked me why I didn't just move out and get an apartment or buy a house. I explained to him that it doesn't make sense for me to pay for something that I'm only gonna be sleeping in/at for 2 nights a week. I don't know if I should ask him if he really meant it or if I should just wait and see if he lets me stay with him once he gets his house. I'm 27 he's almost 26, we've dated for 6 months, serious for 4 months and known each other for over 10 years. We love each other a lot and just got back from a week long vacation and both loved being able to wake up next to each other. Any time I go to his house and lay down, regardless of if we have sex or not, he doesn't want me to leave. It just kinda seems like I'm getting my own wires crossed and don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Firstly your parents shouldn't be making you feel like you have to stay at home. I think your probably ready for your own space, even if it is for 2 nights a week. You seem to be stuck in a position of trying to do what everyone else wants and trying to please everyone else, what about doing what you want?
Ask your boyfriend, if he meant it when he said you could stay with him when he gets his own house and hopefully he will say he did mean it.
Then why not have 2 nights a week having fun with your boyfriend at his house to then spend the rest of your time with your brother, your parents should understand this, as you won't be letting anyone down and you will have some space for yourself and your boyfriend.
Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): Hmm,...I think more communication is needed here, Kali-Mah. You seem to have known your bf a long time. Do you feel you can understand what he is saying? It sounds as if he is suggesting a more committed relationship. If this is something you want, it could be a good sign. You are both certainly mature enough to make that decision. I know it can be frustrating to have a situation such as yours with your parents and brother. But you do have a right to your own life. Many parents in a situation like this can be "unconciously" manipulating. They want your help at home, yet, nothing is ever quite "enough". The reason is that they don't perceive you as a full adult with a life of your own. You already have your job, but getting your own place would be a good start. But, if your sig other is serious about you moving in when he finds his own house,...this might be something to think seriously about. Also a chance to really evaluate your relationship. You can let your parents know that you will still help when you can. But you are not your brother's parent. They are. And there are social services that can take some of the stress from them when they need it. Very best wishes. I do understand your situation,...very well. Tom
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A
female
reader, angel0101 +, writes (27 March 2007):
hiya i think you are just creating a worry problem for yourself, if your parents are badgering you just kindly remind them of what you are dong and why you havnt moved out yet, also one day you will have to become more independant and cannot live at home forever, your boyfriend probably hasnt mentioned it again or thought anymore of it because he simply doesnt understand the issue you have presented y not discuss moving intogether again? bring it up in a casual conversation and see where it goes tell him you would like his view but dont want to rush anything. you might feel better when you move out of your home and maybe a career change is in order you shouldnt be stuck with something that isnt your passion you cant please everyone all of the time sometimes feelings are hurt. hope this was useful
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