A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, first of all thank you for taking the time to give me advice!Right so I have been with my boyfriend for nearly four years. Bit of background of our relationship.. we met and I was actually with someone else but nothing happened we were only friends but I knew he liked me... we will call him “A”, meeting “A” made me realise I wasn't right with my boyfriend and I ended it with him, and started having feelings for “A”, I was young and met someone else in college and dated him for a year. “A” was older than me and I wasn't sure my mum would let it happen, I pushed the feelings away and went out with someone my own age in college.A year later, “A” was moving away and I realised my feelings were for him, I ended it with my boyfriend, didn't tell “A” how I felt as I thought that wasn't fair, so I waited for 5 months and then when he came home I told him my feelings and he asked me out that evening, and it's now four years later.We have had ups and downs like every couple but generally we are very happy, very similar and things have always worked out. We have had a long distance relationship for over two years now as I have moved to Uni. We are only an hour away and see each other quite a lot. Then it was his turn to go to Uni (he's older than me but went to Uni later), we had a few problems again, arguing etc before he left, my friends told me it was just because of a change and there was tension. Again once he was away it all went back to normal because we missed each other and once we saw each other (every other weekend) we were so excited to see each other it went back to normal!!!!Now I'm home for a few weeks off Uni and all of a sudden I'm having doubts that I've never had before. I feel so guilty because he is so amazing, but I catch myself looking at other couples and wondering if I'm missing out... I feel slightly bored and I'm wondering if I'm in love with the idea of him more than him? Can people just fall out of love....? There is absolutely no one else on the scene, I don't even look at other guys, I just all of a sudden am having doubts.But when I question leaving him my heart breaks. He treats me amazing, sure it's not as romantic as the beginning, but he bought be flowers only a few days ago, so it's not that. I trust him 100% and everyone around me tells me how much they can tell he adores me...I love his family like my own and they love me. My family absolutely adore him. We have the same friendship group, which is good but maybe is a reason why I'm scared to break up? (if I even want too I don't know?) We have the same ideas views beliefs, our conversation is always amazing, we love to try new things. Basically on paper we are perfect. So why am I having these doubts and feelings?I feel stuck because one minute I am feeling like I want to break up with him, and the next minute we have a lovely moment and I'm all smiley and happy and forget I ever felt this way. I just don't know how to feel!! :(Should I go on a break? This way I can see if I want to be with him or not? Or is a break unfair to him, if he isn't having these feelings and I suggest a break will that crush him? We also live apart, he's in a small village and I'm in a big city going out with my friends all the time and meeting new people... I don't want him to think I want to meet someone else because I don't, it's the last thing on my mind.I know communiation is key. But in the past if we have had problems and I chat to him he takes it to heart and it ends up arguing. I don't want to get back into that arguing stage where we are arguing and hate each other!!Help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Songwr1ter +, writes (29 December 2015):
I think, you still love him ... It's just that you're bored, as you said. You don't need to break up with him, but try doing different things. You seem to have a lot in common with him which is good, but sometimes, it's nice to have some difference .. so try something new by yourself, so that you can have something to talk about. Make more time for each other. I think you're just a bit rocky, because of the distance, so fill the space between you.
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