A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Bit of a complex question, so sorry if it's quite long.One of my best friends is a guy who admitted to fancying me a while back. I told him I loved him but only as a friend and we moved on - or at least I thought we did. We're still good friends and I've felt as though I can talk to him about anything.Anyways lately I've been meeting up with a guy - who we shall call "J". We orignally met through business and really hit if off and have been meeting up once in a while and chatting via text. My friend who fancied me has also met him, and one time I told my friend I thought J was quite cute, to which he replied "I thought he was gay." I don't think he is gay at all - when we are out, he always touches my leg, takes an interest in what I'm doing - remembers all the little details etc, always calls when he says he will and then the other night he phoned me and said he'd love to take me out again. He just doesn't seem as if he is gay, he seems as if he is straight and is really interested in me. I'm really interested in him as well.Anyways, my friend was asking what I'm doing next week and I said I was going out with J again. To which my friend went on about how J probably only had a business meeting with me so he could get a date with me. He then said I should be careful incase he was trying to get me in to bed. It just seems as though my friend is trying to do everything in his power to turn me off J, and it's starting to annoy me because I really like J, and I dont want to loose my friend because of it. My friend also keeps playing the "he seemed gay to me" card over and over again and now I'm getting paranoid about what if he is, and I'm letting myself in for a big let down. I dont want to come right out and ask him if he is gay, because if he is, it might be a bit awkward afterwards because he probably knows I fancy him like mad. But at the same, if he is gay, and I don't ask, it's obviously not going to go anywhere... and I'm wasting my time looking for a relationship with him.Or do you think I'm starting to fall for my friends tricks to turn me against J?Please help. Really confused.
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female
reader, jabey +, writes (20 February 2008):
well, im going to make this simple I think.
Ask J if he has a girlfriend . Now if he is gay this may be the point where he will tell you nope Im gay or yes i like this girl or I have a girlfriend that will clear up the mystery.
If he claims to like girls and is gay, then I guess he is not ready as yet to come out.
If I had a very close friend, that is one of the topices us women would discuss early on. Very easy.
It goes like this.
"hey, so you seeing anyone at the mo ?"
if answer no then ask when was your last relationship ?
then say what was she like ? at this point you will be corrected. Loads of simple ways to find out. By not having to directly sya are you gay.
Then if it turns out he is gay and you like him, tell him so. We need more honesty and openess in the world, be someone who follows this rule.
Good luck. And if your firned is genuine the other guy, he will accept you having a boyfirned. also Im afraid he may be very jealous, that you cannot help, but you have been honest. You are in charge of your destiny, you cannot always please everyone else in what you do.xxx
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