A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been finding it difficult to move on from someone. From 2005/06 I started uni and met a bloke. From the start he said he didn’t want a commitment and I didn’t either as I was settling in at uni. We dated and he started messing me about. We were on/off each other. Sometimes when I met up with him he seemed distracted. Towards the end of my first year at uni, we arranged to see each other and he stood me up. I never heard from him again. I thought it was best to move on. Seven months later, he contacted me. He apologised and explained that uni changed him, he had family problems and that his previous girlfriend left him for another man. He also said he lost my number. I arranged to meet up with him and on the day, he cancelled as he had no money to see me. He wanted to meet up another day instead. I decided not to contact him again and focused on my studies. I did thought about him over the months.Then ten months later, he contacted me again. I told him it wasn’t a good time as I was in my finals. He said he still liked me. I didn’t want to jeopardise my studies and get hurt. He wanted to see me but I gave him the brush off. We remained as friends and I enjoyed talking to him online. I saw a different side to him. He was more open and I started to develop feelings for him. I decided to meet up with him after my studies to see if there was a spark between us. Then I found out on MySpace he met someone new. I told him not to contact me again. Ten months have passed and I feel miserable and emotional. I still think about him and I still have feelings. He’s still in a relationship with this person. I have thought about contacting him. I don’t know what to do. Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jabey +, writes (20 February 2008):
well, my first thought is before you contact himagain, I suggest somehow you get yourself into a happier place in your life.are you happy with all other aspects of life ? Do you have a job? do you like it ? do you have a good social life? do you have lots of friends? Do you have interests / hobbies ?
Sometimes when we feel unhappy with life with think back to a relationship and put our energies into that, and when you say you feel miserable and emotional is it all to do with him ?
If you feel that the rest of your life is good, and you are happy in all areas then I think you are ready to contact him.
You can contact him as a friend. This way you will discover how serious his relationship is, how happy he is and also you will discover if there are any felings for you.
If you find he has really moved on then, as hard as it is . You must love and comfort yourself by moving on too.
I know how this feels, my relationship with someone ended nearly a year ago. I did everything, possible to move on, i even met a lovely new guy. i do still miss my ex and sometimes feel really hurt, he left me for someone else. I allow myself a few tears and thoughts about him now and then. I then make myself look at my life now and see all that is wonderful in it. I think if I really loved him, true love is selfless and i must be happy to have let him go and be happy that he has found his happiness.
I feel that if he ever wanted me, he knows where to find me. He has not chosen that path. so sometimes we just have to accept that life changes.
So as I said if you feel strong enough to face the fact he may well have truly moved on you can contact him. And if he still wants you who knows.
I wish you good luck, broken hearts take time to heal. But i believe what is to be. if he is no longer focus onall you want from your life now ,close your eyes and picture what will bring you happiness. It wont be long and those things will come your way xxxx
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