A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all.... I have a question that Im betting a lot of women have out there. Ive been with my guy for over 3 years now. At first for awhile we had sex ALL the time. But for some reason ( not on me ) it has now become an average of once every 5-6 days. Ive told him many times that I cant take it only being once every 5-6 days. He says hes going to change. Which he will do for Maybe 2-3 days then it just goes back to the same once every 5-6 days. He lives with me. So Im wondering why I get to have sex so little with him. Or what can I do to "spice things up" to make it happen more often. He comes home from work grumpy a lot too and he ends up yelling at me when all Im doing is trying to have a conversation with him anymore. Why is he being like this? Is it me? Do I expect too mush by asking for more affection then once a week? I don't feel much love from him lately. I just feel like an emotional punching bag to him on his bad days of work. I do love him, but I really cant take it much more. Plz help!!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2015): He is either not attracted to you, or still cheating and getting his physical needs from porn or another woman. Men like this rarely change. You need to stop asking him for sex; there is nothing you can do to fix him.Best thing is to make him realize what he is missing. Stop asking him for sex, dont talk to him, dont text him, dont do anything unless he initiates it. When he does, keep your replies kind but shorter than his. He texts, "hey." Wait for at least 20 min and reply, "hi." Dont be waiting on him hand and foot. It will be hard but he will either wonder whats going on or not care.Work out, change your appearance; hang out with male friends, etc...if he tries to cause an argument just say, "I dont want to fight. What would you like for me to do?" Then ask if he is doing that for you...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2015): After we were together for 4 months he began to make decisions with his "wrong head" and began to cheat on me multiple times, started chatting with women online, activated one of his old cell phones and began calling/texting other women. I busted him hard-core during that time and he then changed to not be "that man" he was. But now he’s just full of anger for some reason. I will try to talk to him and hold a conversation with him, but for some reason out of nowhere he snaps and starts yelling at me. I even ask him "why are you yelling at me?" to hopefully allow him to sit and see what he’s doing for no reason. But it never works. He just keeps being hot headed and blames ME for us not getting along lately. I ask him some days what’s wrong with him and why he snaps at me so much. And he says "I don’t know. It’s like somebody else takes over my mind and makes me an a**hole when I don’t want to be." Is this usual?
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A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji  +, writes (7 November 2015):
 Hmm. Sounds like he's making you feel bad. Men tend to do this when they're feeling guilty.. Is there any reason for him to feel like that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your advice. Mina, that was some awesome advice & crazy to say that Ive already attempted that all before. But it still ends up in the same situation. I also kind of agree with you also Sageoldguy. I love the guy with all my heart & Its kinda getting old that Im always the one that has to "make the move". He used to reject me ALOT awhile ago when I made the moves on him. I never understood why he did. His actions of rejection has messed with my self esteem I wont lie. Due to the fact that he would tell me no but the very next morning like clock work he would go online & find woman to look at while he was "taking matters into his own hands." I wouldn't put the blame of lack of sex on his job. I have much more stress in my life then he does. And I wouldn't mind having sex at least 3-4 times a week. He just likes to make arguments when I try to have a conversation with him. He will take whatever I say & assume things to where he begins to yell at me. And a fight starts. He just told me in a text today that said " that's why I haven't even tried to have sex lately cuz of how things have been going." But hes the one causing the fights & causing us not to get along. Its not fair at all. I do everything I possibly can to make sure hes a happy man. But he hardly ever puts any effort into it with me. He swears that im his soulmate, but at the same time why would you treat your supposed soulmate like crap?!?!? Im seriously lost & need help to find my way again.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 November 2015):
 From what you've written... there's nothing "wrong" with you.... just a case wherein he has what he wants (You put out when HE wants!!...).... and he doesn't think it makes any difference what YOU want.
Is that the kind of guy you want to spend time (maybe, the rest of your life) with? I know my S/O would dump my a$$ very quickly if I acted this way. Why don't YOU????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji +, writes (6 November 2015):
People end up becoming rather complacent which is why they don't do things they used to do. For instance the amount of time you both get intimate. I understand it might get frustrating. By the sound of it, it seems as if he is upset with work and might need to offload his stress about that before attempting to work with you to spice things up. My advice is you've got to take things into your own hands. One Friday night, cook dinner, throw a couple candles around, grab some wine, wear sexy lingerie. Speak to him, help him unwind his problems with you, massage him. Do whatever to make him feel as a "man" with you and head to the bedroom. He will surely love the way you spiced it up and might want that more frequently and he will end up initiating things in the future. You just need to rekindle that spark in the relationship. Hope it works!
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