A
male
age
51-59,
*athan1
writes:Ok, I put a question out here 2 weeks ago when i split up with my fella. I haven't had any contact with or from him since. I look in at his facebook page almost daily to see if he has dropped his info, relationship status etc. Which I know is childish. In my last question i stated my reasons for breaking up. It wasn't an amicable split. There is alot of interference from his best friend. He posted today that he plans to go on holidays with the same guy and stay in his villa. I know it was only posted for my benefit along with all of those bitter Madonna songs like Sorry, hung up. Etc. I'm not rising to it. I just wonder am I expecting too much that he should get in touch? Is this it? Is it really over? If I make contact will anything change? I know he was well on it when he posted all that stuff on Facebook today. Its all very immature for 2 men round the forty mark. This is the longest we have ever had no contact in our 6 year relationship. We live apart but no more than 2 hours drive. Work has kept us apart. In the past i have always been the one to get in touch. He did once but it was only a drunken insulting message which i responded to and forgave. I have to say i'm finding it hard as i live on my own and find I'm dwelling on it alot. I find this website helpful as it has taken my mind off my own problems. I'm trying to give us a decent break but the way things finished no boundaries were set. In short I'm putting it to the test, but how long should i wait for him to contact me before I have to finally admit to myself that it really is over? Because I was always the one to make the 1st move, I feel that he may not have been that bothered if the relationship continued when we fell out in the past, which is why I'm determined not to get in touch.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (21 January 2011):
I am sorry to hear you are still hurting!
He is either a player and just likes messing with your emotions because you have held back on contact until now.... OR.... He doesn't really know what he wants.
Either way, this is preventing you from moving on and do you really want someone in your life who behaves in this way??
What I suggest you to do now - which is going to take a lot of will power... is delete his number from your phone. This will stop you ringing or texting him (It worked for me). Then should he contact you, you need to be firm, because people only get away with what we allow them to get away with... you need to say to him, please don't keep contacting me if you don't know, or want to be with me. Sort your head out, and until then, please don't ring or text because I can't handle it.
I know its going to hurt, but you MUST do this!
Good luck!!
A
male
reader, Nathan1 +, writes (21 January 2011):
Nathan1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to give you an update. A few days ago i missed a call from him. I tried ringing him twice that day. About 10 mins after he rang and 6 hours later. No reply. I sent a text to see if he wanted to talk. I got a text the following day which shocked me. He admitted he was responsible for the break up. And that he lost his best friend and true love. I replied the following day that i felt equally the same. I heard nothing and tried calling him to talk but again he wont answer. I wish he hadn't sent that message. My head is melted
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (12 January 2011):
I am sorry to hear you are going through this - it really isn't nice when you put your life on hold, wondering, hoping and spending every waking hour waiting for a text or a phone call to no avail. I have been there so I know exactly how you are feeling.In my opinion you have two options. 1)You make one last attempt and contact him with the hope that you can sort things out and put your cards on the table of how you still feel about him. One thing I have found with some men, is that they somehow find it extremely easy to block you out, not call, not text. However, 9 times out of 10, they are feeling the same, but they just don't always have it in them to show their feelings for fear of rejection.2) If you don't think you can do the above, then in my opinion I would delete him off facebook so that you can't see what he is doing. It is eating away at you knowing, and it is also stopping you moving on with your life. It is extremely tough, and I do understand because I have been there and got the t-shirt.All the very best in whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, PandaObsession  +, writes (12 January 2011):
In my opinion, if you really love him then don't wait. If you were always the one to contact him then you should contact him again. I hate to say it but...if one of you don't do something soon what you had will end. So one of you swallow down your pride and contact each other. If he doesn't contact you, you contact him if you want to try and save what you still have. Don't wait for him because if gouging accept him forgive him etc etc then you'll accept the fact he's not gonna contact you and you'll have to contact him.
Best regards and best of luck
Kimi~~
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