A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need to know if I'm in the wrong...tonight my b/f and I were out on a "Date" night. We've only started doing this about 2 months ago - we've been together for a while now. My b/f and I have been having some serious issues that we have been trying to work out, and having date night seems to have been working. Tonight we were out, this is our last night for a while b/c I'm currently unemplyed and can not afford a sitter anymore (we do not live together), so tonight was special. Anyway...here I am , totally focused on him, us, and tonight, and what does he do??? he picks up the phone and called his ex to make arrangements to see his daughter this weekend. No warning no nothing, just picks up the phone, and proceeds to talk to his ex for 20 minutes, leaving me to my own thing on our date night. In my mind he could have called her before we went out, last night, or even tonight when the date was over (early night). I've read articles that have said that on date nights leave everything out (especially the cause of the issues), and focus on "us". So when I tell him that I'm upset, he got upset at me and accused me of not wanting him to see his daughter. I told him you can see her, talk to her, what ever you want anytime you want, but do you see me on the phone on our date night? No, I made all my arrangements before hand so I could totally be here tonight. Then came the reasons why he couldn't make prior arrangements. I've put this guy first since day one, I'm still waiting for him to put me first. Am I expecting too much, am I being selfish? For one night??
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): I think with Date night it is fair to be selfish...since the idea is to focus on nothing but each other. I'm sorry that it's been ruined. For him to understand you will have to break it down for him and what it meant for you...again. You don't have to yell but just talk to him if you do get a chance to. Ultimately it has already happened, so its not use in arguing over spilled milk.
If you wanna break it down for him, don't let him interrupt you when you speak and be clear and try to express your feelings more than what actually happened. In your mind yes he could have done that before or after so you should tell him this. At the point of it all explain how that night is prolly your last night for a while, and the reasons that make it so....therefore you were really to hoping to have a special date night.
I hope it helps but I do hope you both can find time to date.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): sounds to me like COMMUNICATION ISSUES YES you have every right to be upset... I get that.. but how did you put it to him... did it come across like... (roar you didn't put us first and etc..)
or did you wait and say, "you know I want our time to be our time, so next time were having our time could you just devote your self to us? I know you have to see your daughter and Im glad you want to. I just want that time between us to be just that.. us. I have been trying to put you first and I realize that i will always come second to your child but just for two hours I would like for us to be alone with no interruptions...
Ive seen this kind of communication before.. I have it everytime my bf and i text communicate.. we suck at it.
you happen to have it when you speak.. so try to use your words clearly.. see how that goes
good luck
...............................
|
