A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I am 23 years old and live with my boyfriend of the same age. We've been together 3 years, lived together for 1.Recently my parents decided to divorce. They have sold the family home I grew up in and moved quite far away from me (in different directions!).I'm struggling. Both parents lean on me for advice or to complain about the other, even though they have both moved on and got partners within months. I'm devastated that my family home was sold. I know I have my own (rented) home, but that was somewhere I felt I could always go back to. Also when they moved they threw out my childhood things they had kept all these years which upset me a little. It's like they are trying to erase everything that happened and I feel guilt as well as they told me they were fine when I was there but when I moved out a few years ago to start uni everything fell apart. So I guess my questions are - am I allowed to feel sad about parents divorcing when I'm 23? Am I allowed to be sad about the selling of my family home? To be honest I'm completely embarrassed at how upset I am about my old home being sold. I haven't told anyone this - I've been calm and collected with my family. But inside I am hurting.I'm also worried about the affect on me and my boyfriends relationship. We were so happy and I know he is the one, but now I feel like nothing is forever. The day my parents moved out was their 25th wedding anniversary. I hope I dont seem pathetic as well and I'm grateful for the life I have, I know some people are a lot worse off.
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (13 June 2016):
 You have suffered the loss of 2 important things that were a stable in your life growing up..your parents being together and your family home. Neither is easy to handle and yes most people would feel the loss. My parents sold our family home when I was in my 40's and even though I had not lived there in 20 years, it was still HOME and I knew I could always go there. They sold EVERYTHING and I do mean EVERYTHING and to be honest, it really hurt. They downsized to a mobile home so they just didn't have the room, but I was very sad and hurt that they did it and I didn't even get to participate. Many childhood things were thrown out or given away, so I truly understand how you feel. It was their home and their choice though and I had to accept it.
My parents never divorced but they fought constantly and would always talk badly about the other one to me. I really hated it and finally just told both of to stop that I would no longer listen to it.
It will take some time but you will eventually adjust to everything. Just remember that you had nothing to do with their divorce and they both love you and I'm sure they want you in their life.
Love them both and go on with your life. Don't let what happened to them bleed over into your life and make you unhappy. If they are both happy away from one another, then that's the best you can hope for.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 June 2016):
 of course you are allowed to feel sad about the divorce. I was married and expecting my first child when my parents separated briefly and I was destroyed.
and yes you are allowed to feel sad about losing the home (and angry about your stuff being sold)
FEELINGS are always allowed. It's what you do with those feelings that may be something you have to work on.
I would not let that impact on your relationship now.
In fact, a brief bit of counseling on your own to help you work this through may be of benefit for you in the long run as you can learn skills and techniques for coping with emotional pain that you can carry on with the rest of you life.
I"m so sorry about your parents. NO matter what age we are watching our parents divorce hurts.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (13 June 2016):
 Of course you're allowed to be sad your parents have divorced and sold your childhood home. Don't let it cause worry about your own relationship, though. I'd suggest telling your parents you're not comfortable with them complaining to you about each other, then change the subject each time they do it.
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