A
male
age
30-35,
*zzarspazzar
writes:Here goes, I’ve been with her for 2 years, everything was great, she started uni 6 months into our relationship (i’ve always worked full time), her starting uni never bothered us, we worked through it, didn’t argue and we were good…In September she said that she wanted to be single, it was hard for me to hear but she said that she wanted to be single but loved having me around, she wanted the single life at uni, so we went on a break at the start of October, I agreed she could sleep with people and pretend that she was truly single for that time. The break was supposed to be for a month but lasted a week. I phoned her drunk and said that I hated it and she did too. But then she told me that she had slept with one person, it lasted 3 or so mins before she said to him that she wouldn’t do it and wanted to be with me.We were fine, or I thought we were, but then on christmas day she said that she actually wanted to break up, this time it was serious, but again she wanted to be with me and have the single life. After a tireless 5 hours of conversation we decided to work through things.I went to see her last weekend, it was planned and I turned up on Thursday and then on Friday she had a lecture so she went to uni, I had a headache and was looking for some tablets and came across her diary, I still hate myself for it, but I read it. It turns out when we went on the break she slept with 2 people, the first one was as I described and the second, she enjoyed and it lasted longer, she described it as dirty sex… And she had also written in this diary at the start of december that she was going to break up with me in february, it was february because we went to New York together over christmas and she couldn’t do it before.So I asked her whilst sober if she told me the truth about the break and she still said that she’d only slept with one person and kept to her story, so that night we drank a bottle of vodka and were going out, I had to tell her that I read her diary, I wasn’t proud but I’d invaded her privacy so what else could I do, I confessed I’d read it and we argued lots, she told me how she did enjoy sleeping with that other people she didn’t tell me about and also she said that when she decided to break up with me she had said to another guy that he’d have to wait until february…After the big argument I woke up on Saturday morning and said to her that this wasn’t what she wanted and with a heavy heart I told her I’d make it easy and leave, I had a shower and she hid my shoes and laptop and didn’t want me to go because she loves me and wants to be with me. So after a difficult 4 hours of talk she came back to mine and we had a lovely weekend in the end.She doesn’t seem herself, she does’t seem like she used to, I don’t know what to do, she’s breaking my heart but we really do both love each other… I know she’s never cheated on me, just the time when we were on a break but it was ok, I agreed to it…What should I do, I love this girl and she says she loves me, I can’t throw 2 years down the drainpipe!She’s 20 and I’m 22…..
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a break, cheated on me, christmas, drunk Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): My advice? don't walk...RUN! I've dealt with a woman like this in the past. She wants you to be her "shelf guy." The guy she can set aside up on the shelf while she sees and sleeps with other guys, and then takes down off the shelf when she gets lonely in between seeing those other guys. She wants you as emotional comfort, yet doesn't want the guilt of cheating on you.
She doesn't deserve to be your first choice if all you are is her second option...or third...or fourth.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 January 2015):
 you guys are over you are just both going to drag it out till one of you meets someone who fits better than what you two have now.
She doesn't love you... she's cheating on you.
she is breaking up with you so she can have sex with other men and not have guilt.
if you stay eventually you two will break up... better to end it sooner rather than later.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): Either throw 2 years down the pipe or waste a bunch more years on her.
This girl is not going to be faithful and happy with you. She can be either/or but not both. She has some slutty time to get out of her system.
You should accept this, don't judge her, and let her go live her life. But you don't have to be attracted to her anymore if she wants you back.
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