A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have signed up to a penpal site and have started talking to a girl. Should I feel bad or guilty as I have a girlfriend – I’m not flirting merely chatting and she knws i’m taken but I don’t think my gf would be to pleased if she knew. Am i doing anything wrong?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 April 2010):
Technically, no. But realistically, your girlfriend will not be all that happy if she finds out. And you admit that yourself, so why test it? Best to stop it all now before you end up with nothing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): If you feel like youre doing something wrong, then you must have a guilty conscience for some reason. Why? Are you worried that your girlfriend will have a fit? Is that a regular thing in your relationship?
You could be convincing yourself that you aren't flirting when you are. Or you could have a history of shady behavior. Or your girlfriend could be terribly controlling to the point that you are afraid of her. Or maybe something else entirely!
Whatever it is I think you need to put your finger on why you are worried about telling your girlfriend. You also must know that keeping anything like this a secret is unhealthy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Well, if its any help, I'm in the process of having to break up with my first love because his online penpal started hitting on him and then he started doing a bunch of suspicious crap.
There's NOTHING wrong with having female friends, period. I disagree with 081819p's answer that anything your GF might not like is thereby wrong. That's BS.
Just don't do things like exchanging pictures, commenting on her appearance, talking about your relationship, etc. If it's really worrying you that your gf will freak out, just tell her what's up. Seriously. I wish my boyfriend would have been more upfront with me instead of playing stupid.
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A
female
reader, louisevandeburg  +, writes (31 March 2010):
As long as you keep it friendly, it should be fine. :)
You might want to tell your gf though, just to avoid future shocks or something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Well, if this other girl is really just a friend, then I don't think you are doing anything wrong. It is okay to have friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship.
But I do think there may be a problem here, because you are concerned about "doing something wrong". I get the impression you feel you have to keep this penpal a secret from your girlfriend, because she will not like it? Do you think she will be jealous? Insecure? Suspicious? I can understand you not wanting to tell her if that is the case. But that means you will have to hide it from her, which will also most likely make you feel uncomfortable. And if she found out about your friend at some point, she could be even more suspicious because you kept it from her for so long.
I personally think it may be best to be upfront and tell her about your penfriend. If this girl is just a friend, tell your girlfriend that. Show her she has nothing to be worried about. If she doesn't like it, then there may be some trust issues which need to be worked on. But do try and be mindful of your girlfriend's feelings, and of any concerns she may have. She is your girlfriend after all. Would you feel uncomfortable if she started talking to a male penfriend? Ot would it not worry you?
I think being open about this may be the best way to go about it. Just my opinion though. Good luck. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): ''I don't think my gf would be too pleased if she knew''.
You have your answer. If you know that your partner would disapprove, then you are doing something wrong.
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