A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 37 have been single for several years now. I'm not stunning but am OK looking, intelligent and have an interesting job and own my flat. I have many female friends, all of whom say I would be a good catch. The problem is I don't want kids, never have done. I don't want my own and don't want someone else's.It is proving impossible to find a woman who doesn't want kids. I can understand their need but I do not feel this is an area fot compromise on anyone's part. It's basically looking that I'm going to be on my own because of this.I've tried internet dating but that's proved a disaster and none of my female friends have any single friends who don't want kids.I am generally happy with who I am, my interests, my life - except for wanting someone to love and love me back. I can't bear the thought of spending many more years alone and the usual cliches of "you'll meet someone when you're not looking" are starting to really annoy me.It's getting to the point where I could see myself just throwing in the towel because of this. I really don't know what to do. Can anyone suggest where I might actually find someone??? I'm not needy and desperate but could see myself going that way. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): OP here. Thanks for comments guys.
I know all the pitfalls. Been there and got the tshirt. My first really serious LTR ended because my girlfriend of three years changed her mind to wanting children. So my next LTR was with a woman quite a bit older than me who had no desire to have kids. This was great until a few years down the road when our age difference caused problems. For that reason, I really want someone arond my sort of age (bit younger or bit older's fine).
Dmartin - no, I don't want someone who already has kids, even if passed the crying baby stage. I just don't have that gene in me and if I don't want my own, I sure as heck don't want to bring up someone else's!
Anonymous - no, there are NOT a lot of women who don't want children. Trust me - certainly not on dating sites and none of my female friends have other female friends who are either childfree or don't want them.
Hrclham - yes, I am on on Facebook and I am still in touch with a lot of school friends. In fact, I have far more female friends than male friends on a ratio of about 12:1! I really don't want any more female FRIENDS - I have more than enough to try and keep in touch with as it is. My experience suggests the opposite to your experience sadly. I am in lots of social groups - theatre, badminton, sailing - but there are never any single women that join and I don't work in a big office or anything, so waiting for someone just isn't going to work for me here.
Anonymous female - there seem to be no childfree dating sites in the UK, believe me I have searched high and low. And if you are on a normal site, you have to put up with some crap. I've ever received emails from women telling me to get off dating sites because "all women want kids so you're wasting our time" or "you're obviously just here for sex if you don't want kids".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Go to www.nokidding.net (No Kidding is a singles and couples club for people who don't have and don't want kids). Doesn't seem like there's a chapter in the UK, but maybe you could start one. :)
Also see if there's an internet "meet-up" group for childfree singles.
We're out there-- keep looking! :)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Before I forget, remember that some people don't want to have kids "for the time being". So, if you're 40, make sure you don't get involved with a 22 year old who says she doesn't want kids. She might change her mind.
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A
female
reader, hrcdlhaml27  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Do you have a Facebook account? If you don't, then try to set one up. That's a great way to meet people and get in touch with people that went to your school, who you worked with, etc. You may meet your match that way. You're not the only one who doesn't want kids...I'm a woman in my mid twenties with no kids, and never want to have any. I'm too much of a career person for that, and don't have the patience. I understand how difficult it can be to find someone like that. Those who tell you that finding someone is more likely to happen if you don't look...well they are right cause good things happen when you least expect it. Sorry if I sound rather annoying here, I'm just telling you from my experience--I have a lot of guy friends and don't even try looking for a boyfriend and before I knew it, that's how I got all the boyfriends I had in my life. Sometimes you just need to relax and someone will come to you. Also, you can try making some new friends that are the opposite sex and go from there. Don't give up, I believe you'll find someone. Hope I helped.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): You have finally discovered nature. It is in human nature to want to procreate and create new life at some point.This was once, and largely still is, a key to our survival as a species.Problems like this arise now because human population is so large that even is half of us decided never to have kids, that would still leave over 3 billion that do. Which means we are in absolutely no danger of dying out anymore as we once were when these instincts were formed.There are plenty of women who don't wish to have children. I respect that. But as you have seen, the need to create progeny (if only to ensure the family line doesn't die out) is still strong.But don't give up. Being someone who doesn't want (or like?) children is nothing to be ashamed of. It does not make you deserving of lonliness or any less deserving of love.But ALL relationships, the good ones, are built on knowing when to stand your ground and when to compromise and sacrifice.Only you can decide when that is.Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (25 January 2011):
I think you may find someone. Either a woman who has already has her kids and doesn't want anymore, or a woman who can't or won't have any.
As a side note, I see that you're in England. I was under the impression that finding a woman who doesn't want kids is somewhat easier in Europe than, say, Latin America. Wrong impression, apparently.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (25 January 2011):
 There are women out there who don't want kids so I can only say to keep looking.
Would you date a woman who already has kids and doesn't want any more? Or do you not want kids in your life at all?
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