A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone of you aunts and uncles come across a narcissist?I’ve being dating an older man for over three month. He came across amazing, he’s got a good job, three children and seemed like he had his life sorted. He talked about our future, told me he was lucky to have me in his life and I was the best thing to happen to him in a long time. He did say he loved me within three weeks which I did find strange. We haven’t spent very much time together as he has a busy job and his children quite a lot and respect him for all of that. The last couple of weeks he’s been very off with me. He messaged me some awful messages when I was with my friends and asking why I didn’t want to message him while I was out. His messaging is none stop! I’ve brought up a few things with him that I’m not happy with and he blames everything on me and says it’s all my fault. I know he has a lot going on in his life but he’s making me feel needy and that’s not who I am. I’m an independent person who is always positive and happy. I’m not sure if he’s narcissistic or it’s me coming across needy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2021): Doesn't matter whether he's narcissistic or needy; either one is a deal-breaker.
Not sure if you really needed anyone's advice; when all the evidence is piled-up right in-front of you. Go back and read your own post. Look at the behavior you've described.
In the future, don't take sweettalk for anything more than flirtation and flattery. People who throw the L-word around only a few weeks after they've met you are not playing with a full deck. When you're easily taken by sweettalk, it's an indication you have an attention deficit and crave validation. You have to be gracious and mature about it. Take it all with a grain of salt and a dash of humor. It's frivolous BS!!!
Send him on his way. Block, delete, and forget! If he keeps calling, or attempting contact; warn him that you'll contact the police for harassment. Quit while you're ahead. You don't need to know if he's a narcissist; because by the time you're sure, it's too late!
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (13 September 2021):
 I also agree, run for the hills, and don't look back.
The niceness that he showed you in the beginning was not the true him, and it only took him a short while to show his true colours.
His true colours tell you he is not a nice person. Over time it will get worse and you will find your good energy being zapped.
Leave now while its still early days, then block him and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2021): Wow. Big red flags here....He sounds abusive and controlling.Scary stuff.I guarantee if you stay with him that within six months you will be in the hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw saying ...gee officer I just walked into a wall really.You will say that because you loooove him.Dump him now...He is not a safe or trustworthy man.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 September 2021):
 Just stop wasting your time, OP
He was able to keep up "appearances" of being a good man for not EVEN 3 months before the mask fell off. HE on PURPOSE didn't spend that much time with you IN person because the mask would have slipped faster. He knew that.
HE was hoping to wheel you in, get you attached "enough" to accept abuse from him because YOU love him.
Yeah, he is not a good person. He won't be a good partner.
I agree, RUN for the hills.
None of us can diagnose him as a narcissist, we can, however, look at what you tell us about him and agree that he is NOT good for you (or any other woman).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2021): He's already trying to control you and already has you questioning yourself! He is a professional manipulator and narcissist/psychopath.
And yes, I have come across one! Three in fact! I know what I'm talking about. They come on strong (telling you he loves you within three weeks is off) sweep you off your feet, so you don't have the time to register the red flags waving. Now he's stalking you with messages whilst you're out, trying to control you and making you take the blame for his manipulative behaviour.
Don't be fooled by him! He's wrong, not you!
Leave and leave now. Tell him to bugger off. You've got better things to do with your life and time.
IF you decide to stay for more of the same, you will notice other great big, red flags, more control, more blame, more drama. More ABUSE.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 September 2021):
 Only one bit of advice: RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!
After only 3 months, he already has you questioning who you are. Regardless of what HE is (because a label won't make any difference to his behaviour), YOU are not what he is making you out to be. However, stay with him long enough and you will start believing what he says about you. Don't let that happen.
Carry on being the independent, positive, happy person you know you are and leave this loser to his own devices. He does not love YOU. He loves the image he has built up of you in his mind and anything which deviates from that will result in insults and abuse.
As I said, RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2021): You are not dealing with a narcissist and I get sick and tired of people saying that is the problem. Every time someone does not behave perfectly or to the other person's requirements they get called a narcissist. It's childish, judgmental and naive. Just accept he is not that special, not that wonderful, nasty, demanding, bossy and decide if that is good enough or walk away. Some older men are like this. Some are more likely to be this way with a younger woman. They want to mould them to suit them. If you are an independent positive, happy person you will walk away and not look back. But you do not sound at all independent to me.
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