A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok. Ugh. I have a stupid problem. While I am extremely confident and successful, I have body issues - I know everyone does but I think mine are a bit more severe. I can't decide if my boyfriend makes it worse or is inconsiderate of that or if it's just my stupid insecurities that are making me feel jealous and annoyed with him. So here goes. On the neutral side - he's an ex pro athlete/jock. Married (and divorced)a stripper. Dated a playmate. On the good side. He's totally dedicated to me and I trust him 100%. On the bad side - he always looks at girls (not glaring but glancing), if there's a college titty movie (fired up or similar) or beautiful assassin or whatever) on TV he will gravitate to it. While we watch shows like "So you think you can dance" he will gravitate to the type of girl (body) he likes and will even mention I like Lauren and Ashley cuz they are my type - dark haired, short and stocky (what he means by stocky is juicy booty and legs). Or he'll say Selma Hayek is the perfect woman. (which I agree with but still annoys me). So all these things annoy the living crap out of me. That he says it - that he looks at it that way - that he thinks/looks at anyone except me. Then, because I have completely obsessive body issues - I resent him PLUS start to feel like I'm not good enough. Then I pull away and end up going to the gym or similar cuz I feel shitty about my body. Now, I mostly think it's ME making myself feel this way but am I wrong NOT to like that he does/says these things? I don't do/say these things about other men. In fact, I don't even think it. Guess I'm just not that way? Is it a guy thing? We're not teenagers we're nearly in our 40's. Now if you're wondering about me. I'm extremely pretty and I am in fact short, dark haired and voluptuous which IS his type. But I'm not super fit or thin so then I start to feel too fat or like I have to look more like these girls (the stripper, the playmate, the dancers, Selma Hayek, etc). I won't let him touch my stomach when I'm sitting or bent cuz it's not flat and I feel shitty.Now, I think it's mostly me but on the other hand I don't want to hear about this shit (other women) from him. Or have to watch him to see if he's glancing at someone else. I don't do it so why should I put up with him doing it? Not to mention - I'm pretty amazing looking (aside from being slightly on the voluptuous side (in my opinion) and lots of men want me and look at me so why shouldn't I be his entire world? Though he tells me I'm beautiful and sexy and amazing and the love of his life I guess I feel like if it were enough he wouldn't do/say/think these things about other women. (??)Ugh. Please help. I don't want to keep being pissy and hurt all the time especially with someone that I FINALLY trust and want to spend my life with if it's just me being insecure! :(
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divorce, insecure, jealous, stripper Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): I'm just getting over this same situation. My guy would go so far as to point to a girl in the store or on the street and say "now that's a girl I would leave you for." I know I'm pretty and can get other guys...but I don't want them. And like you, I never ever even think of another guy like that, not even celebrities. I'm a little younger, but my fiance is your age so I felt he was getting too old to like those college movies. I finally opened up and camly told him exactly how I ended up feeling. We came to an agreement and it's working well and helping my self esteem. It sounds crazy, but every time he sees a naked or super hot girl on tv, he has to show me (his choice how) that I am sexier than me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh also - I work in the entertainment industry so I think I feel more pressure to be perfect.
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