A
female
age
51-59,
*uzyQ1232
writes:My husband and I have been happily married for 20 yrs. Recently I have had fantasies about having a threesome with him and one of his friends. I mentioned this to him and he loved the idea and asked which friend? It doesn't matter to me as long as he is attractive. I love sex with my husband but just want to get totally wild and kinky with him and another guy. Am I crazy and why am I all of a sudden consumed by this idea?
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (18 December 2009):
 I dont think your crazy for wanting to do this its basically just a fantasy a primal urge maybe some things are not meant to be acted on, there has been post on here in the past of this type of thing and they usually say things werent the same with the relationship after the encounter. I think the desire is normal but in my opinion dont act on it
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 I read your question with great care, and check answers so far given. No one has touched the core of your question...You asked the root or cause of this ideas... of threesome?
As you also have see the cause...to have wild experience, but your vision lack proper terminology. It is not really wildness as it is termed. See, check your routine sex experience...which you experienced as 'spark' you feel light {Pleasure], but your wanting is full and continuous light... and not spark... a momentary light.
Your search is for this 'enlightenment'...but you couldn't work out properly due to lack of knowledge.
I am not answering moral aspect of 'threesome' here. in absence of knowledge, it may not work as expected, or it may work negatively as feared.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): Just be careful when picking a friend. Its good to have someone you're comfortable with, but understand that things might change afterwards. The friend will no longer be just a good friend, some people can't handle it. This friend of his could start trying to pursue you, or your husband could get jealous, or you'd start getting disgusted with your husbands friend and wont like to hang out with him anymore... Lots of things can change.
Its great you and your husband enjoy and share this much openness when it comes to sex, but have a GOOD talk before you get into this. Lay down some rules and laws of conduct. Also: whenever one of you feel uncomfortable, stop everything immediately. There is no shame in calling the session off mid-ways if it starts to make either of you uncomfortable, no matter how aroused the partner may be, you'll have to stop. Also set the rules: who gets to touch whom and where etc.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 As always, my advice is to be careful. Threesomes are a common fantasy and an even more common reason to break up.
We are a monogamous species. Yes we cheat (women especially, check the size of human testicles) but it is supposed to remain hidden. We don't openly have sex with others then our partners.
Some couples can do this, call it mature love or not caring all that much anymore but staying together because you have grown used to each other. Whatever, most people will feel jealousy. Does she like his dick better, is she better at it?
We can be very comfortable in our lives and our relationship but how much of that is based on ideas like 'she thinks I am the best lover she ever had' or 'my penis is huge' or 'my tits are still very firm for my age' or 'I am not all that out of shape'. And then another person enters the bedroom and those ideas are shaken up.
We all got insecurities, just read the countless posts about women being upset about porn. Is your husband really secure enough to watch you enjoy fucking another guy? I know I am not.
Some women claim that they can't have sex without an emotional connection. Don't know if this is true but do you think it applies to you? If so, can you say that you won't connect to this guy?
What about pregnancy?
And what happens the first time you have a major row? Sure this wouldn't come up?
What if your kids walk in? "Well honey, when a daddy and mommy and a uncle love each other..."
What if this guy wants sex one night when your husband doesn't? How far does this affair go?
As said, some couples can do this but lots break up afterwards because the security they once felt in the relationship has been violated. Somethings are really just better as fantasies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): Its ok having fantasies, we all have them. The best ones are the ones we dont act on. They are safe, you can replay them anytime you want and they always work out just the way you want them to. Its not always the case once you introduce them into the real world.
In essence you are telling your husband hes not enough in the bed and you want to have sex with one of his friends, you dont even care which one. He may agree, most men will try anything different, but it has to hurt him on some level. Make sure you are prepared for any gossip that circulates once you start down this road. People cant help enjoying a piece of juicy gossip. It only takes a hint and the wagging tongues are off! So make sure the friend you chose is 100% trustworthy. Also make sure hes single. If you start having sex with a friends partner and she finds out there will be hell to pay and you will probably lose alot of female friends. They wont want you within hailing distance of their partners! Also make sure hes a safe bet and wont be disgusted/freaked out by your request and do the rounds telling all and sundry what you said!
Check now and find out which of your friends your husband has his eyes on for his 3some`s. He may not say much now but he will expect them after hes done the `deed` for you. And if you say no, there will be a problem. So make sure you are totally comfortable with the idea of being there, while your husband has sex with another woman, possibly one of your friends. Prepare for the fact that it will forever shift the dynamics of your marriage for good or bad. Personally i think youre really lucky to have a good marriage, i would never risk that just for a bit of kinky sex but thats just me. Alot of fantasies dont play out as well as they do when its you imaginations in control of things...there its all perfect! Should you find you dont enjoy it, as is often the case, be prepared for the fact that it might blow your husbands mind not yours! He may love it so much that `ordinary` sex with you just isnt as good anymore. That does happen and can lead to a partner cheating. Be sure you really want to do this.
If its just a case of the love life needing a little spice there are many role play things you could both do at home/out and have a lot of fun with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): no you are not crazy and indeed it sounds a good idea.having sex with the same person for 20 years can be quiet dull.so having a threesome can bring creativeness in sex as long as you and your husband agree on it.but dont make it a habit.
Have fun
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): be careful! as soon as you tell him the name of that friend, troubles will start. your husband will think you want threesome because you want to make love with that guy and you want your husband to directly or indirectly "approve". be careful!!
my advise is: DON'T!!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (15 December 2009):
Maybe you have been looking at porn with 3somes involved? Have you done this before for him? Do you also know that your husband will be expecting you to reciprocate with one of your friends? How comfortable will you feel if he asks you to organize your best friend Betty for him? You may survive the 3some with his friend, but emotionally you might not survive it when he asks for payback with one of yours. Some fantasies are best left to the porn industry because in reality, they are really not that great. Good luck with your decision.
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