A
male
age
36-40,
*ibba
writes:I have been dating this girl on and off for 5 years. I love her more than anything in the world but our relationship is makes me nuts. Im not good with conflict at all and she knows this and from what I can see takes advantage of it. We have broken up in the past becuase of her becoming close with other guys. That sounds worse than it is. Its not just being close but texts all the time, going to lunch or dinner without telling me things like that. When I find out they hang out I question her about it and she spins it around on me like im crazy and calls me immature and selfish and all of this stuff.I dont understand it because if she loves me like she always tells me she does and she knows this stuff is going to upset me then why does she do it and why does she keep it secret until I find out and then act as if it was no big deal. She recently went on a trip and this guy that I have become more and more skeptical about has been texting her more and more and calling her more and more and she is "busy" a lot more than she used to be. After being on her trip for a few days I find out that he is the one that took her to the airport. I offered to take her but she said dont worry about it I already have a ride. I flipped out on her asking why she does these things when she knows how much they will bother me. Im totally fine with her having guy friends I just wish she would let them know there are boundaries and take my side for once.This is such a recurring theme and I dont know why I allow it to happen. Everytime it happens she makes me feel horrible and crazy. Am I crazy or what. I just feel like if your doing something you have to hide then its probably wrong.I am always so mad about allowing myself to get hurt by this girl over and over again and because I really dont like to argue with her I hold it in until it erupts into a big fight. Then after the fight I am left feeling bad like she has tricked me into thinking it was my fault again. When we dont talk I am miserable and when we do talk I am just as miserable.Please tell me what you think.. Im sorry if this is hard to follow its just hard to put all of these emotions and stories into a posting.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Im the original poster. She has a past of doing these things. I will start to get suspicious begin quesioning her about it, not always in the best way. about 4 years ago i begin to question her about a guy she told me i was crazy and insecure we broke up and then just as i had suspected began dating this guy. they broke up shortly after and we got back together about 6 months after. Same thing happened about a year ago. I know that i should just forget about her but its pretty ahrd to do. I keep convincing myself that I am wrong and have handled these situations wrong but I just dont understand why she keeps doing this to me. If I was important to her she would think before she did things that hurt me.
A
male
reader, Anadin  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 iv been in this situation, if it dosent make you happy, pull yourself out of it, i learned the hard way, and had a girl who was like that. you need to sit her down and talk to her without exploding, but she'll be of the mindset "im not doing anything wrong so why is he feeling like this" trouble is she hasn't picked up that theres a difference between not doing anything and acting like she can be trusted.there are alot of women who would continue this pattern unless you sit down and say to them "my trust is not easily earnt, you arent acting in a way that isnt endearing of my trust" at the end of the day, you need to change something, either talk to her about acting in a trustworthy way and ask her to make more effort or you get her out of your life completely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Hey pal!
Head up :)... your GF and you obviously have a big communication issue and maybe that is a part of broken trust before your posting. Has she done anything to break that or yourself? If so, youd both need to make steps to rebuild the trust and a lot of self help books can aid in that.
Second, I find her behavior suspicious at best. Its not good she hides things. Not at all. My instinct says, and im sorry in advance, that she is keeping something from you. Simply because she has acted immaturely and has arguably played some mind games with you. I would sit down and have a serious talk with her and try to be as least emotional as you can as any emotional flare up will only stir anger and a very unproductive convo.
Good luck on this man.
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