A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i have been with my boyfriend for ten months now, but i have known him for a long time... we both love eachother, he tells me alot that he loves me, treats me so good. this is gonna sound a bit crazy but i keep thinking my boyfriend is gay or maybe bi. i think this because he went out with his friend for a few hours, he was fine before he left but when he came back he was distant and just the way he and his friend looked, they looked guilty. thing is he always says how much he hates gays, if he sees them on telly he will say "urgh" and will look away. he dont act gay though, he acts quite manly. its just when hes with that certain friend he acts different. i have been hurt in the past by boys so im very insecure, do you think this is why i think things like this. and do you think he is hiding his sexuality, sometimes when we have sex he turns me around and does doggy style with me, i have told a friend about this and he said "thats what gay men do" so now im even more paranoid. what do you think? does he sound gay to you? or is it just me thinking crazy things because i have been hurt badly in the past. i have read stories about boys who go out with a girl but really they are gay, why do they do this to these girls i think its selfish. please help
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male
reader, eddy_nicolas +, writes (18 November 2009):
hi,
i think that natasia is right.its nothing sure.as long as u havent seen him hanging out with males.I think that he loves you.so,dont imagine things which dont exist.I mean,if u caught him watchin a gay porn or hanging out with males,everything is fine.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (18 November 2009):
 I can't see any evidence in what you've said that would suggest he is gay at all.
Let's go through the points:
1. Turns you around to have sex from behind - this is a totally normal and popular position for straight men having sex - nothing strange at all. OK, gay men also do that, but they are having anal sex, which is different. And anyhow, millions of straight men also want/have anal sex with their female partners, and even that doesn't make them gay, because they are doing it with a woman.
2. Is strongly against gay men - lots of young men are - they have a strong reaction against gayness. When they get older they get a bit more laid back about it, a bit more tolerant - sometimes. Not always, though. And can't be taken as a sign of gayness. OK, maybe some gay guys in the closet do that because they want to seem very straight, and not at all gay - but lots of straight guys also find gay sex/gayness in general objectionable.
3. Behaves differently with one friend - so, what does he do? He goes off for a while with this guy, then comes back and is a bit distant. How do you get on with this other guy? Does he like you? Because it is possible that if this guy was your bf's best friend, and now your bf spends a lot of time with you, then the guy will be jealous. And mad at you. And might even say stuff to your bf - negative stuff - about you. It is possible (and common) for some guys to have really good male friends, and be a bit exclusive with it. And for one or more of those friends to get jealous about time spent with a gf. It could be any of these things. And if they act guilty - how do you know what they were doing? They might have been robbing banks or visiting prostitutes, or doing any manner of bad stuff - doesn't mean to say they were having gay sex.!
Of course I don't know you guys so can't say anything for certain, but I think maybe you are bit over sensitive. Certainly what you've said doesn't to me add up to him being gay. Does he love you? Give you lots of attention? Have sex with you and enjoy it? If all that is true, then don't, as the Polish say, looks for holes in your jumper before there are any! ie, don't imagine problems because then you make problems. It sounds ok to me. How he is to you is the most important. And it sounds like he is real nice to you.
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