A
male
age
51-59,
*RyinG2buNd3rstand1n9
writes:My wife and I share 2 gorgeous children and we are coming up to 12 faithful years together. Over the past fortnight she has revealed to me that she has fallen for a female work colleague. My wife has had a very sordid past with many men and women. I accepted this from the time that we met. However, I was lead to believe that she was bisexual but favoured men. I have learnt in the past two days that it is the other way around. I love her dearly and she says she feels the same for me. I cannot help but think that she stays with me because I am safe, we have 2 children, and she feels that our families and friends will disown her. She is willing to change her shifts, her job and even the country we live in to be with me and the kids. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, tRyinG2buNd3rstand1n9 +, writes (3 February 2011):
tRyinG2buNd3rstand1n9 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Jonas, thank you once again. After much discussion I have agreed for us to remain together. Without the comments on this webiste, I would be a quivering mess huddled in the corner of the room.
In response to your comments, she was extremely sexual from an early age (lost her virginity at 12-13 and sleep with her first girl at 14). Lets just say that she know what she likes and was not afraid of taking it. She has lost count of the men that she has slept with, and estimates that she doubles that figure with women. However, she tired of the lifestyle and I was 'lucky' enough to be there. She believes (and I agree) that I saved her life. I also believe that she has been faithful to me since (guys, don't roll your eyes).
Also, about making our relationship stronger. We have been more intimate than we have ever been. Going to bed and talking for hours and hours before making what I can only describe as passionate love as the sun comes up (before the kids wake up anyways). I had heard about it and thought we were doing it but this is a different level again.
I have come to the conclusion that things will need to change and I believe that this will take time, at this stage of proceedings - I am still not positive what I want/need once the "dust settles". I want to protect myself should push come to shove and she recognises this.
Despite her attraction to her work colleague, I feel that she has done nothing wrong but be herself - the person that I fell in love with. She has been open and honest from the begining. She has promised to keep me informed about her feelings no matter the emotional cost to me and those around us.
Once again thank you
A
male
reader, tRyinG2buNd3rstand1n9 +, writes (2 February 2011):
tRyinG2buNd3rstand1n9 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Jonas, I like your take on things...for me it brings the least heartache. Despite this, in recent days I have been leaning towards leaving her; but for what? She has done nothing wrong. All she has done is come to me and told me how she is feeling. I guess I fear what she could do.
Just to fill you in Jonas, she has not discussed her feelings with her colleague but is adamant that there is an awkwardness and sexual tension between the two. Her colleague is openly gay but is aware of my wifes past and has posed the question to wife..."are you happy?". To which my wife replied "YES".
Like a man I have tried to "fix it". Like a man I have tried to find answers and I am tired. I would like to thank everyone and I appreciate everyones incite. It has been invaluable in helping me get through this.
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A
male
reader, tRyinG2buNd3rstand1n9 +, writes (1 February 2011):
tRyinG2buNd3rstand1n9 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Chocs, I agree with you also and like I have said previously, I only want her to be happy. For me, she is not living to her full potential. If it was just lesbian sex then I would let her go off and have her fling but she says that she is in love. I don't know what to do because I can't compete...this is exhausting!!!
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (1 February 2011):
"I cannot help but think that she stays with me because I am safe, we have 2 children, and she feels that our families and friends will disown her."
Lots of people stay married for these reasons. However if these are the only reasons, then they are negative reasons to stay married. staying married for negative reasons usually leads to unhappiness or a nagging lifelong discontent. So your choices are to either get used to living with these feelings, or try to improve your relationship so that you don't have these feelings.
obviously she trusts you enough to confide in you about this, so there's hope and time to see how things develop when she makes the changes in her job. good luck...
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A
male
reader, tRyinG2buNd3rstand1n9 +, writes (31 January 2011):
tRyinG2buNd3rstand1n9 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks BW, it has crossed my mind, but she is adamant that she loves me and is still in love with me...but her sexual preference will always be in the back of my mind. I just want her to be happy and she believes that that is with me. My issue is whether she will always feel this way...only time will tell.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (31 January 2011):
...now put yourself two years from now. Do you think either of you will be happy trying to hold on when you know what the other really feels? You want it your way, she wants her way...equals...
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