A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My now ex-boyfriend and I were fooling around while still dating. I was a virgin, and whilst wearing a condom, he tried to actually penetrate me. He might have gotten in between a centimeter to an inch or so; enough for it to hurt, but not enough to break my hymen or have his head completely inside me. Before he could get in any further than that, I panicked and told him to stop, and he did.My hymen remains unbroken, but technically yes, he was pushed slightly into my entrance before I stopped him. I hadn't considered this to mean that I'd lost my virginity to him, but my friend insisted that any kind of penetration was considered sex, and that I wasn't a virgin. To me it kind of seems like sinking your teeth into a sandwich, but not actually taking a bite, and then trying to claim that you ate it. But I don't know what to think.What are your opinions on the subject?
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condom, hymen, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Livelife  +, writes (20 April 2009):
Although I also thought it was a good metaphore, it does not quite compare the same. Losing your virginity isn't just the act of full on sex (passionate, full penetration, etc.) but it really is defined by any penetration of the penis into the vagina, even a small amount. The breaking of your hymen or not has absolutely nothing to do with your virginity. Some girls break their hymen through masturbation, intensive sport activities, tampon insertion, and other girls are born without it in the first place. That doesn't mean they were born a non-virgin.Although you and others may not want to consider that you lost your viriginity because you changed your mind and stopped, unfortunately, you really did. Intercourse is what causes you to lose your virginity, and there is no measure of how inside he has to be for it to be intercourse, once he's in at all, it's intercourse. You're not claiming that you had full on passionate sex (eating the sandwhich), but you have to admit you did more than sink your teeth in.Your friend is probably just trying to argue that technically yes, you did lose your virginity. However, if you want to say that it didn't count and that you want to have your 'first time' be with someone else who is special to you, that's your choice and no one can tell you otherwise. However, I suggest you still be honest with future partners and tell them that it happened but it was breif and did not mean anything to you. Also, choose your next partner for that wisely if this decision is very important to you. I'm sorry for the length of this answer haha.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): you guys played "just the tip!" what a tease…yes i would say that you could consider yourself a virgin…hormones are a pain sometimes aren't they?
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 I think that you are lucky that you are still a virgin, because you put yourself in a very precarious position. If he had been a different kind of guy, you would be talking about date rape and not "I changed my mind".
You shouldn't be letting the thrill of the moment take you any farther than your HEAD and HEART have decided beforehand! You decide how far you intend to go. It's up to you to watch out for your own body and your own future. You could have a broken condom and a baby right now.
I'd stop playing Russian Roulette with my boyfriend and reconsider that I was the one in charge of the situation.
As far as sexual relationships go, You should always ask yourself if this guy could be the father of your children, because that's what sex is all about! If you want to explore your sexuality, then there are lots of other ways, including masturbation, and none of them lead to unplanned pregnancies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I think that you can consider yourself a virgin!This is nasty, but, girls wear tampons, don't they? I did before i lost my virginity. Consider it like this: my first kiss was with a friend who i dind't like and didn't want to kiss, but my girl friend told him to kiss me. so i whirled around and there his lips met mine! i did not continue this kiss with him and i did not even consider it my first kiss, because i didn't want and i chose to discontinue it. My first kiss was made with my lips as well as my heart. Your virginity is so special and if you didn't want to lose it, and you told him to stop, and he didn't break your hymen, then you're all pure. Don't worry about it and don't listen to your friend. She's silly. You're right on about the sandwhich thing.. and i loved that metaphor by the way.Oh, also.. if you're not ready, then don't try to convince yourself that you are and then get as far as you did and realize that you're really not ready. (props to your man for stopping when you said "stop." he sounds like he really cares for you). When you are ready for sure, then you will know it. This is something that you must not have any doubts about. I sincerely wish you luck!
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