A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Normally you hear about men being obsessed with porn online, but in my case, it's a little bit different.I am 32 and have been with my partner, who's 34, for 4 years now. I am of Anglo-Dutch descent; English mother from Atherton, near Wigan, Greater Manchester, Dutch father.His sex drive's been on the wane, at first I thought it might be depression but he didn't seem depressed; then I thought it might be porn, but there was no evidence of that on the computer.It turned out that he was addicted to Google Street View and to AutoCAD/KeySIGN/SignPLOT-related websites (his job involves mapping / traffic / streetlights / road signs and transport for the local government) and he said he wasn't stressed, there just wasn't enough hours in the day at work to get everything done.Is this unusual for someone to be so addicted to work-related / loosely work-related things online (Google Street View - it is transport-related) that sexual intimacy is lacking?He is still romantic and caring, but the physical side of our relationship is lacking, and I won't have an affair, I have ethics and it's a line I won't cross.The only physical affection I get are long cuddles in bed or watching television or hugs.We have had a conversation about it but it didn't seem to get too far; he said he felt too embarrassed to discuss this. He had a soft low tone of voice and said he felt it was something he couldn't talk about; I told him not to worry. Normally we can have a good conversation even on sensitive issues, but in this case it didn't work. He is a loving and caring man and I want to keep our relationship going; the emotional side is good, physical less so, to be laconic.How should I proceed with this? I would appreciate the advice from everyone on here.
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affair, at work, depressed, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (8 August 2013):
 He's loving and caring, but he refuses to discuss this important issue? Not that caring then.
You need to make him discuss it with you because it's affecting you badly. If he really loves you, he'll listen and then want to address whatever the real problem is.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 August 2013):
 I have this problem with my husband... just no drive.
I pointed out that I love the cuddles and kisses but that I missed the feeling of being WANTED by my man. (it's not the orgasms since I don't orgasm from sexual contact with him) it was the emotional feeling of him WANTING to have sex with me) I told him that I needed to be wanted by him that way and that if he didn't want me that way I would not leave him but I would ask his permission to take a lover to complete the part of our relationship that was lacking.
It would not be an affair or cheating since I would only do it with his permission and approval.
guess what... he stepped up a bit in what I needed and I no longer even feel the need to discuss it with him.
You are not going to him and saying DO THIS... you are going to go to him if you try this way and say
"I love you and I want to be with you but my needs are not being met properly and in order to stay with you I need you to either give me what I crave and need or accept that I will have to find another to meet those needs while you provide the rest. This is not because I don't want YOU. I DO want you but you do not seem to want me and I can't cope emotionally with this much longer."
it's not the best thing to do but it's the true thing... because in ten years if all you have is cuddles and kisses you will either leave or you will start CONSIDERING cheating and once you start considering it, it's too late.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 August 2013):
 As a female, at your age, you are in your sexual prime, and part of life is having sex. It's good for your emotional and physical well being.
Tell him one of the things that he needs to ensure there are enough hours in the day is you, your needs and your marriage.
Ask him to visit his GP to ensure there is nothing medically wrong with him and ask the GP to recommend a good counsellor. Tell your husband that you are not prepared to have your marriage to a man you love go down the drain.
I think you are going to have to be a little firmer with him on this issue than you have been so far.
Good luck!
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