A
female
age
41-50,
*implegirl29
writes:After My Divorce I went wild and said just what every other girl says when they have been through hell, I will never love again.I met a guy in December that has just taken every inch of my heart, and I’m not sure if it’s in the best entrees for me to love him. When we first met the first thing that came out of his mouth was he was married.. Hold on don’t think badly of me yet!!! He said they lived as roommates and are getting a divorce. I gained a lot of respect for him; I felt he was very honest with me. He is a cop, and was on a waiting list for an apartment something about they give cops a nice cut… Well somehow he was over looked on the list so he missed out. Well now the word is she is moving in May to Dallas, the reason for May is they have three kids and want them to finish school for the year in Houston. Things seemed to fall into place with him and I. One night we were in bed, it’s 3 in the morning and my phone rang. I had been getting a lot of hang up the two weeks ahead on this call. She asked to speak to him; I just didn’t know what to say so I hung up. She called back and said can I speak to my husband. I said hold up I’m sure you want answers just like I do. I asked how was their marriage she said it was pretty bad but she didn’t want to give up on it. I tried to give him the phone but he would not take it she knew he was there.. We hung up and he said she deserves to hear it in person so he went home and talked to her. As he left he said I’m really glad she called you, maybe she will just kick me out now! She text me the next day and said she wanted me to leave him alone, that he is hers. Ok fine well he showed up at my house and said everything I have said to you is the truth, and that he wanted to be with me. I know you're thinking man this girl is stupid, all the signs are there but what has me is I feel he’s being so honest with me but then again if he meant it he would walk away and be with just me. He has been married for 20 year he has no family at all but his wife and three kids. He still calls me from the same cell, and the wife can still see my number on it.. I have met his 5 year old daughter, I asked him was that wise that I'm sure mommy would find out she spent the day with me, he said he didn’t care. I know the truth will come in May but I’m not sure I can wait till then. The man works all the time, he says to stay away from her. But it hurts me I only see him when he’s working, when he goes home he says he turns the phone off to charge (yeah I know that’s a dead give away. But I try to tell myself maybe it’s to save the drama of her but then again why should he care. What gets me the most is, when I go out it never falls I get picked up on, it bothers him so bad… he’s seems to be jalousie of my guy friends, how can he be that way when he goes home to his wife each night. He’s off on Tuesday and Wed. Today is helping my mom with a few things, his kids are out of town so I knew he didn’t have to take care of them tonight so I asked him what you are doing tonight, he said not sure.. If he didn’t have his kids and not working because when the kids are in town and he’s off the excuse is he has to get home and do homework and dinner. Apparently the mom works a lot as well and he’s the good dad. But anyways when I asked what he was doing it seems he has a busy night without me in it… I just feel he’s telling the truth of course all girls seem to be blinded by love.. Errr what do I do my heart loves him but I do know what I should do but I just can’t walk away from him…
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2009):
 I would tell him to get back to you when his divorce is finalized and if you are still available you can start to date.
Why are you content with sloopy seconds?
If he is cheating with you on his wife how are you to know he won't cheat on you later one?
I don't get cheating. All you two do is cheat yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): You are the other woman in this relationship. You (and him)have also betrayed his wife and family. Don't you see the harm in meeting his 5 year old daughter? I can understand him being cold hearted and not caring buy YOU, You should know better. So she knows that daddy has a girlfriend. Are you not ashamed. His kids are going to be hurt in all this. You said that you went through hell when you got divorced but now you are putting this other woman through hell. Isn't it better to call things off now and wait until he is legally free and then if he still wants a relationship with you he would know where to find you. 20 years is a life time - sure the marriage may be going through a rough patch - are you certain he is telling you the truth. You hear the same old stories all the time - man meets lover, tells lover wife is the problem, he has to stay because of the kids, he doesn't love the wife, no sex life (the list is endless). What happens in the end? The lover gets the boot! I think it stands to reason that you are younger than the wife. If so, are you just his shag buddy. You are heading for heartache and pain. You are still young so why not find an unattached man who will love you and not lie about his circumstances. You hold the key to your own happiness. Remember the old cliche - if he is doing it with you, he will do it to you!!! I firmly believe that you are being blinded here. Before you get in any deeper you need to make a choice. The truth coming in May 2009 - is it the truth about his divorce?, she leaving him (and taking his kids) to Dallas?. Perhaps in May he will tell you that he staying for the Kids sake. Then what? Please do not be gullible. Have your dignity. If and when he is finally free then perhaps you can be with him. I am hoping that by then you will be finally free of him and would have moved on to someone who will love you. It is not easy being the other woman, as you are now finding out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): why do you justify stupidity because of love?
you are better than that. Tell him to divorce her or its finished. Have some dignity - where are you two going? you are just a shag to him. Grow up, stop making excuses and say her or me. (note full stop).
Hugs star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Not so long ago i was in a similar situation. I feel for you, I do. But it sounds like you already know what you need to do. You cant be with someone who isnt going to fully give himself to you. Dont you deserve the respect of his total commitment? Doesnt he expect that from you? I know you want to believe him I seriously know how that feels. But he isnt telling you the truth and he is holding back himself from you. And he goes home to another woman EVERY NIGHT. This apartment thing sounds like crap to me, he should just find another one! Seems to me he doesnt want to really leave her and as long as he can have his cake and eat it too then why upset things? Bullsh*t. You have to get away from him. Give the ultimatum first if you'd like, you know, her or me. But he will just have excuses for you, I guarantee it. It may be hard but you will have to walk away if you dont want to spend the rest of your life sharing your man. I really wish you luck and please keep in touch and let me know how it goes.
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