A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex boyfriend split about 7 months ago! Since then i have been seeing another boy who is soo sweet and caring and someone i really could live securely with for the rest of my life.However me and my ex only split up on the basis of our families not wanting us to be together and at the time thought that it was going to be realy difficult to stay together when we depend on our families soo much at this age, i was still madly in love with him and never got over him, i just got involved with someone else to have fun and take my mind off the heartache.Now my ex has been in touch more than usual as we are still great friends and we have been meeting, going out, and last night stayed in a hotel. I am now ridden with guilt and do not no what to do.I cannot bear to see my boyfriend upset as he is soo caring but i dont no who i want to be with more right now. I feel as if i finish i boyfriend i have lost alot of security and kindness and would regret not being with him because of his caringness, however i feel like at my age i dont want that. I want some passion and secrets and adrenaline and someone who i find irresistable. to get back together with my ex is not an option at the moment, we want to see each other but have discussed the possibilites of gettin back together and both realise how difficult it would be for our families to accept. Am i better off to be on my own right now, or stay with my boyfriend and forget it all happened.am i better to be on my own for a while and live with regret of finishing a lovely boy or stay where i am and not quite be satisfied.Please help!!Thankyou!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 February 2009):
 I think you are better off on your own at the moment to be honest with you. This guy you are with at the moment sounds lovely and he seems like a nice guy, its not fair to him to be dragging him along and hurting him in the process.
You clearly want the passion and excitement you feel with your ex - comfort and security is never going to win over passion!
I have been in the exact same situation - I had the nicest, most generous and caring boyfriend any girl could ask for. He provided me with security, comfort and made me happy. But in the back of my mind I knew I was still in love with my ex who I would meet up with every now and then and he would still make me go weak at the knees. It was full of passion and excitement and felt amazing. But at the same time I felt bad for hurting my boyfriend when I knew I could quite happily spend the rest of my life with him.
What I eventually realised is that I am too young to give up the fairy tale dream of romance, passion etc. While me and my ex didnt work out, I knew I had to end it with the boyfriend. He is now with someone who feels the same way about him and they are very happy, and I am glad I gave him up because he deserved so much more than me who was only with him because it was easy.
Be on you own for a few months - this will really give you space to grow as a person, to figure out what you really want and hopefully sort things out with your ex.
It sounds like you both still really care about each other and he is a major part of your life - your parents cant keep you away from each other. If you really want to be together then parents shouldnt stop you, your at the age where you are old enough to make your own decisions and your own mistakes.
Do the right thing and end it with your boyfriend - it isnt right to hurt him like this. And spend some time alone -it will give you more of an idea what you want. And at the end of the few months of being alone - if you decide you want your ex then you need to sit down with your families and really talk about it; if they know how you feel they might be more understanding.
Good luck!
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