A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:In November 09, my friend (who we'll call Jess) of 15 years and I went to the pub, she is married and i'm single, and we met 2 guys, i met the single one and she met the married one, (who we'll call Tom) me and single one got it on, thats over now, but her and the married one, connected in a way that they have never had befofe with anyone else, but only as friends.Since then, we've met up with him, just the 3 of us, or in large groups and she tells me shes not met him alone, But when they started holding hands, cuddling up and pecking kisses on the lips, in the pub, I expressed my doubts, to which she was fuming about, saying she would not lie, I told her that if his wife saw that, she would assume that there was more, as the rest of the pub do, she said she dint care what the pub thought, it was nowt to do with them, but even she admitted the wife wouldn't be overjoyed at their friendship, but we're past that arguement now.The problem is, I'm a hair dresser,Toms wife has seen my work on her colleagues,and found my business card in Toms pocket, at 1st she questioned him, thinking i was a potential love interest, she then added me to facebook, and when i saw her at pub, asked me carefully constructed questions, to which I answered, and it pacified her.Then she called, asked me to do her hair, Jess wasn't happy, but i explained its business and things were ok, I done Toms wifes hair yesterday, and Jess phoned me last night,wanting to know all the details, if i had done anything on the wife, that she has had done, and what sort of stuff had we spoken about, if Tom and her were happy, etc, I told Jess that Toms wife was lovely, and that at the moment she is flailing a bit, as the kids have left home, and she'd always dreamt that her and Tom would have their time, but life is getting in the way, and that it was apparent that the wife truly loved Tom, (all that is common knowledge at pub, i've not told her anything that was told to me in salon)Today, Jess has stated that she is fuming on her status, I text her, she replied, said she had stuff happening she had no control over, so i called her and she said she couldn't speak. I think she feels I've stabbed her in the back. Altho she's not said as much, i've known her a long time, and i think that is how she feels.Jess is a very controlling person, she needs to be in control of everything that is in her life, and I reckon she feels out the loop. But i need your opinion, am i actually doing anything wrong, Am I going against my friend? I really like Toms wife, and if i saw her out in pub, i would want to speak to her.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I would tell your friend Jess to take a reality check and grow up. She's playing with fire here and putting her own marriage and Tom's in jeopardy. Let her know that you are not taking sides on this but if she's not careful it's all going to blow up in her face. She's already making tongues wag the way she's acting in the pub, holding his hands, cuddling him and stealing kisses, it's only a matter of time before word gets to Tom's wife.
Jess has been your friend for a long time so be honest with her and let her know that although you value her friendship, she can't control you and tell you who to speak to. Let her know that you won't go out of your way to seek out Tom's wife as your friend but if you do bump into her in the pub YOU have absolutely nothing to hide and would talk to her and that Jess's name won't be mentioned.
Jess says her and Tom are only friends so why is she giving you the guilt trip? Remain neutral in all of this. Don't get involved by carrying stories to Jess about Tom's wife and vice versa, that way you're keeping yourself right. If Jess does come a cropper then you'll know she only has herself to blame!
~Eve~
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 June 2010):
Tom's wife sounds like a much nicer woman that this Jess anyway. I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all. Jess seems to be the one in the wrong here. Be friends with Tom's wife. She may well need a decent friend at some point.
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