A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there's this guy I've known since high school. We are the same age. Both came out of really bad relationships. We are friends. I went over to his house one day we ended up doing things. Then afterwards, he says "I'm not sure what this means to you, but its just a couple friends having some fun." So I'm sitting there like okay, so this didn't mean a thing. So we talked and he said that he wanted to be friends with benifits...he doesn't want a relationship and he doesn't want me getting attached is what he said. But he's knowni I liked him. Because I've told him before. But its extremely weird. One moment, we are laying together talking seriously... I leave and go home, and doesn't talk to me for awhile. I feel like maybe our friendship might be fading...or maybe it was all pretend. I don't know. He tried like hell to get my attention. And now that things have happened he don't talk to me much anymore...unless he wants me to come over and we do stuff. like he pushes me away after we hang out for a night. I don't know what to do. I don't want our friendship to end. But I like him. Like if he was to text me right now and ask me to come over I would. I've had a crush on him forever. But obviously he doesn't want a relationship he done told me. But I wish he wouldn't lay beside me and tell me all these things cause it confuses me. After I hang out with him its like it never happened. He explained to me the reason he don't want a relationship is because he thinks relationships are nothing but heartbreak in the end. So I'm not sure if he's scared or just using me....ugh so confusing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Well I couldn't get to my question the other way to answer not sure how that works so ill answer here since I found it. Lol Thanks for all answers everyone. I totally agree whaats going on is all wrong and have decided to just end it all and stop talking to him. Like some have said, he's not my friend anymore anyways. My mind will be all clear once I just stop talking to him and not giving in anymore. I also don't want to be labled as 'easy' either. So that's it over and done with, moving on with my life. Thanks.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 December 2012):
 He's not scared.
He did not lie.
Kudos to him. He told the truth... which is "I just want a fuck buddy"
that's what you are.
I know this hurts to read but he's NEVER going to think of you as anything better than a handy penis holder....
he calls when he's horny....
You want more. You care more. YOU will hurt more but you need to walk away as soon as you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): Unless you want your heart broken, don't do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): He wants u as a fuck buddy, nothing else. He wants to see you when he's horny and nothing in between, end of. Yes of course friends with benefits is basically two people using each other for sex, but in this case it seems you're being used for sex while your hoping for something more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): Ok, let get this one out of the way:YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS.Friends don't use their friends feelings to get what they want. This is what is called friendship: a relationship based on mutual interests that has no material, physical and mental advantage for either member of this union. Meaning that friends don't stay together only because they can get something from the relationship, either it's some monetary value, sex ( physical) or a constant shoulder to cry on.(mental).Friends are there when you need them, you share common interests and views on life.This guy is not your friend. He knew you like him in a special way, he knew he doesnt want to be with you the way you want him to be, he knew exactly what he was doing. He used your vulnerability to make you his fuck body.So what that he was honest with you, it means very little. He is not even pretending anymore that he is you friend. There is no conversations going on. He just gets off with you and that's all. Is that who you want to be for someone just a vagina that's always available?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2012):
 Ok when a GUY says - all I want is FWB NOTHING more, he usually means it. He will not suddenly wake up and know in his heart that YOU are the one - sorry.
When a girls says she is OK with a FWB - 50% of the time she is.. the other 50% she is hoping the dude will wake up .... and want to be with her as a BF - THIS RARELY work out.
IF you want more from a guy then SEX - then end this now. He will find someone else to bang and you can go out and find yourself someone who want to be your partner/lover/boyfriend.
Sorry, having sex with a FRIEND is never a good idea. Specially if you have feelings for them, but you can end up with losing a good friend AND feel used- JUST like you are feeling right now.
However, I don't see it as him USING YOU. You are just not accepting that it's become what it has become. PURELY A booty call thing for him. You keep going - you keep sleeping with him - so why is it HIM that is using you?
End it, before you start thinking that sex is all you are good for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): The only way that you are going to continue to be in his life is to continue to be his fuck buddy. He already told you when he was zipping up his pants that you guys were a couple of friends having fun. I don't know how you can get any clearer than that. In depth or deep conversations mean nothing. Men knows that women like those things and he is simply stringing you along until something better suits him.
In the future, have this conversation BEFORE you take your clothes off and then you won't feel used or cheap. In the words, of Maya Angelou. When a person shows you who they are the first time, BELIEVE THEM. Hope this helps, best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (9 December 2012):
 Yeah I had a Carlito like this he wanted sex I did too but he wanted fwb or something else he didnt want relationship. I did I just stop sleeping with him he found others. I really really liked him but not enough cause some thingd he wanted I wasnt with it at all. So ee friends no benefits
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): He's not scared and he's not using you. I don't see the confusion OP, he just wants sex and is never going to give you anything more.
When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship he means he doesn't want one with you.
He's been very clear about what all this is, the only confusion you have is hoping he'll change his mind, he won't.
You seem to be under the impression he's scared of a relationship and if you can prove to him you'll be bestest girlfriend forever and ever and ever he'll somehow love you. Never going to happen.
OP this is only about sex, he's not even bothered being your friend anymore, you've just been relegated to the status of easy, free, wet hole to stick it in. You're not even friends with benefits because he doesn't want to be your friend anymore he's not even trying to maintain your frienship, you're just his fuck buddy now. Besides what kind of friend fuck with the feelings of his friend he knows likes him by just using that power he has over her to get sex and then throw her away when he's done.
I won't advise anything because it's pointless, you're going to keep being his fuck puppet no matter what anyone here says. All I'll say is you've already lost him as a friend, he's never going to love you in that way or he wouldn't be doing this and you're going to get very hurt when, after months of opening your legs, you finally realize that it was never going to be anything more.
OP make sure he wears condoms, you don't want a permanent consequence of this huge mistake you're making in the form of an STD or child.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2012):
 Technically he is not using you, he is doing exactly what he said he was going to do since day one, he is having some casual sexual fun with a consenting partner, who has been warned it's just about sex, and not to get attached.
He could not have been clearer if he had drawn you a picture. It is you that choose to read omens and presages and confusions in a very clear cut situation.
No ,the I am afraid of getting hurt is clearly your usual , standard bullshit that people say because it's nicer than " I don't like you that much yet I want you to put out for me ".
But even if it were the truth, he still does not want a relationship and for all you know it could be YEARS before he changes his mind. And when he does , and loses his fear of being in a relationship , he may want a serious relationship, but not with you.
Ergo, very unsafe bet, and big waste of time. I am sure that you CAN move on and find someone who likes you back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): He is using your body. And so are you.
He is using it for sex. You are using it to lure him into a relationship.
His idea is working. Yours probably will not.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (9 December 2012):
 Yep, hes already told you he wants a FWB. If he wanted a relationship with you, you would have one already.
If you dont want to get hurt, then stop going to his house and being intimate with him or youll just end up getting increasingly attached and hurt.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedAnna +, writes (9 December 2012):
It is very obvious that you have a lot of feelings for him. My advice to you is that if you want to be more with him you have to say no when he asks to see you.This is how you will know you mean something to him, he may start to talk to you more or less.. All i am saying is that you should show him you can be more. I think the reason you see him whenever he calls is because you don't want to not be something to him. You need to let him know how you are feeling, tell him you feel like you are being used.
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