A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I'm being used for sex, but the only time we ever spend time with each other is arguments of me not loving him, not being attracted to him that why I'm not always wanting sex. Today first time in like for never he says I'm not emotionally there for him, now I like cuddling and relaxing and taking to each other. I always bring it up saying our non sex illustrated intimacy is low.And I still feel as though we might be missing, now he saying today which again has never to my attention been brought up by any one but myself- but {he's sure he loves me so I can't let him go}.. So being the first time he asked me I'm really confused. It seems like he really dont care for anyone but him, he does a lot for me, like breakfast in bed and sometimes laundry and stuff, but both of us have jobs... He told me couple months ago that he don't wanna go to work, because he is scared he would lose me. I got fired from my awesome job that I miss a lot, I'm ready to break, get a job and keep that job and see the outcomes, admit I don't like talking on the phone all night. I don't sit around all day - my spot is clean?? I've looked for work and can't find it so know I'm just waiting to get into my schooling now, I'm 21, school for my first career - he also has a career. I just don't understand why he stick around stuck and leave everything for me, and no its not obsession. If he always assuming I'm cheating and wanting threesomes it's mind boggling. I admit I'm very outgoing in my personality and I enjoy hanging with people that don't bring me down. Most of my friends are guys, don't call me names and think shyt because of this. These are my friends that have got my back, I've known for years.Why can't we just get over this bs and really address the issue. I try to see his point of view and I do, just with mine and I wanna spit on him - now that being said - am I not wanting to love this man - is he stuck on him self!!! Why do I feel as though I could not leave him and he feels same way... I really care for him I can't hurt him.Help this cant be love and if it ain't love, isn't love is made by eachother, this is my issue.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Sadly this relationship is so beset with mistrust and paranoia (he thinks you are doing things you are not and he's resentful of you in various ways) and faded love and unreasonable pressures to such and extent that I think you'll lose your loving outgoing personality if you stay with him.
You are not a possession.
You are doing your best. And your aim right now should be to get your skills honed to a good standard so you are ready to apply as soon as an Awesome job becomes available again. You deserve to find a job you find is as satisfying as the job you lost. That would have been very upsetting to lose that earlier job.
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But who wants to come home to all sorts of jealous rants.
Love does not count how many hugs occurred each week. You just share hugs when you Feel moved to hug.
Love is more peaceful than what you are enduring. You should be suffused with a satisfying feeling of peace and harmony. Feel delighted when you see him, want to share everything. Live without judgemental comments. And enjoy a feeling that is all is right with the world and that together you are a great team who can achieve good things together.
You do need to think this through thoroughly. Telling an obsessive person that you are considering a 'break-up' - and some people react very badly.
Don't announce it.
Get out first and explain later. And don't explain in person.
I am not even convinced that he knows what love is. It's not moaning and whining about so many things. And the thought that a man would want to give up work because he was scared of losing his Gf? That's way too obsessive. Being jealous is not love.
Since he has the potential to react badly to any breakup - that's why I said get out first. Tell him by phone and don't re-visit him for any 'closure' nor any de-brief. Tell him to get counselling if he wants you to talk it over with you. You are not his counsellor.
Because he has issues to resolve. That is his problem, not yours.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Being in love shouldn't be as hard work as this. You question whether it's love, and I don't think it is, at least not on your side. You don't sound happy at all.
Why can't you leave him? Couples break up all the time, and yes it does hurt one or both of them, but they get over the hurt and move on. Don't stay with him for fear of hurting him - you are not responsible for him in that way. Put yourself first, go to school and get started on your career. That's far more important in the long term than this relationship, which seems to be holding you back.
Good luck.
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