A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi my partner and I separated for some time. During that time he began a sexual relationship with a woman for about 4 weeks. We have now got back together again and I have asked him to stop all contact with her. He makes excuses and fobs me off and plays things down. He will not block and delete her contact details and they still talk occasionally. We have been together for a month and he only told her he was back with me about a week ago. Am I being unreasonable with my no contact request? Additionally I have gone through his phone and seen somethings that make me uncomfortable- I didn't confront him but gave him a chance to be honest when I asked certain questions. He lied. She has asked to meet him to 'get things off her chest' my man did not reject the invitation.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 should read seams "unreasonable" in other words if you ask him to go NC with a former partner and he refuses.. he values her more
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 December 2015):
 I think that he's hedging his bets and your best move is to separate again, only this time permanently, as this obviously isn't going to work out. A guy who was truly committed to you would shout it out loud and clear... not wait a few weeks to inform a new ex.
I'm sorry to report that he is not "your man." If you have to go through his phone and he makes excuses and fobs you off... this relationship is dead. It's just waiting for whatever final nail will seal the coffin on the lid. It could be something you find again in his phone.
What caused the separation in the first place?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2015):
Nope I don't think asking for NC seems reasonable.
the fact that he refuses to comply and LIES about it should tell you all you need to know... he values HER more than you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2015):
 I don't think it's unreasonable at all, to ask for him to cut contact with her. However, HE does, and HE is the one you are dating. To me it seems like he wants his cake (you) and eat it too (her). (like Ivyblue said)
So personally, if it was ME in your shoes, I'd walk away. This is no way to rebuild a relationship, there is already such a huge lack of trust and respect.
Why settle for this ONE guy who treat you like you are some moron who will believe anything he says. Specially when he has already proven that he is a liar. If he is willing to lie about this... he will lie boldly to your face about any- and everything.
If the other woman wants this liar, let her "have" him. He will lie to her too. (bet he has already).
No need to "cling" on to this guy and keep sticking around.
A guy who wants you to "compete" with another woman for his affections is just not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 Of course not. He is being an ass. Hardly says he is serious about you or her rather he is just wanting his cake and eat it too. My advice would be to try not make this into a situation about staying with him just to prove to her that you are the better woman than she. Sounds a lot like troubled waters ahead if this is going to be his attitude. You dont need to put up with that kind of shit.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 No you are not being unreasonable. His refusal to stop contact just shows you how he's not eager to work things out with you. He still wants her on the side in case your relationship doesn't work out again. If you don't want to get back with him because of this, you are within in reason to separate again, perhaps forever.
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