A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice about whether I'm being unreasonable with my boyfriend.He broke up with his ex (who he lived with for a year)in June 2007 after a pretty rocky relationship - he says she cheated on him four times in the year and I know for sure that he can't stand her now.He began dating me in December 2007 and we have since moved in together, talked marriage and babies, etc. His ex has constantly sent him emails, texts, phone calls for the whole time we've been together - until he blocked her email address and changed his number (but she somehow still finds ways to get messages through on hotmail).My problem is with her family - my bf was close to her mother and brother and has remained friends with them after he split with his ex. I don't really have a problem with the brother but her mother is getting to me. She sends my bf texts and emails updating him on her daughters life and has even sent photos of the two of them together to me.I told him I was unhappy with him contacting her mother because of the way she was acting and he promised to stop (after a huge argument and accusing me of being a control freak). But he went to her house for lunch a few days later and I only found out when he accidentally opened his mobile inbox in front of me. He claimed he had forgotten he wasn't supposed to contact her and hadn't told me because it was unimportant....turns out the mother had spent most of lunch going on and on about her daughter (he says he can't tell her not as it would be rude). He also sends texts behind my back to her - harmless messages and not about the ex but she always replies with a message from her daughter or a comment on how good they were together.My boyfriend doesn't seem to see that she's always mentioning her daughter to him and is clearly (in my opinion) trying to get them back together. Am I really being unreasonable and controlling to ask him to not contact this woman anymore? I just feel hurt that he's going behind my back - and stressed that I have to deal with both mother and daughter trying to force there way into the middle of our relationship.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Be happy, he is with you. Don't fight and argue with him about the mother of an ex. That is what they want. That way you are sending him into her daughters arms.
Be loving and don't let them get to you.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 October 2008):
I think you have to back off this one. He obviously felt he needed a mother figure in his life, and you know what boys are like with their mums. Don't try and get between them.
If she sends you pics of him and his ex then you can simply reply saying "why did you send me this?" or if she says something about her then just say "Well I don't know her except for the emails she sends my boyfriend so..."
Polite but letting her know you don't want to know.
The more you start making demands, the more she is going to be able to remind him how amazing her daughter is. The more loving and perfect you are, the more likely she is to get the message since he won't stop talking about you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): hi i've been going through similar problems with my boyfriend. he lived with his ex. when we started dating he still stayed by his ex (saying that he's close to the family, he grew up with them, theres nothing going on anymore with the ex....) she constantly called him and texted him all day long...maybe about 6months later i couldnt take it anymore... i decided to ask the ex why she's doing this? cant she just be happy for him and allow him to move on? she let me know that were still sleeping together... i felt sick to my stomach....it was horrible...he used to say that she's the last person on earth he'll ever go for (she cheated on him in the past) everytime i asked him what's going on? can he just be hoonest with me because i don't wanna stand in his way if he wants to be with his ex girlfriend its his choice... but he kept saying she's the last person in the world he would go for.... anyway... that's just my situation.my advice from woman to woman is ENJOY LIFE don't let him bring you down.You are not being unreasonable... honestly i think you should let him go because you may have to spend your whole life paranoid wondering where he is and wat he's doing... it's not fair on you.... let him go... let him sort out his life, let him decide whether he is able to give up his ex's family for you.... if he isn't... say your good byes and find someone who will consider your feelings... i'm not a professional advisor... i just think you shouldn't have to live in anxiety... free yourself and enjoy like!
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