A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Two months ago I started seeing this guy. Three weeks into our relationship he tells me he has to go away for work. He asked me to stay at his place and watch his cat. The morning he's leaving it comes up that it’s his ex from months ago who hired him. He said it wasn't a big deal so he didn't tell me. He’s told me before this that he has seen (slept with) girls in the past and remained friends. I did say things like ‘go be with whoever you want I can’t decide that for you’ and in anger maybe said I might not be there when he gets back. He comes back from his trip and starts by saying I’m someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with and then proceeds to tell me that I was right about him seeing the ex. She kissed him and tried to sleep with him KNOWING ABOUT ME. He said it last a few seconds and he stopped it. She shows up at his place a few nights later to ‘pick up the footage’. She was shocked to see me and ran away saying ‘why is she here?’. He simply responded with ‘she’s my girlfriend’. Since then I see that she still messages him but he says it’s just about invoicing.A few days ago he told me that he hooked up with this girl who he works with 2 weeks before he met me. He said there was no physical attraction on his part. Recently his work friend were over while I was in the other room. He comes into the room apologizing saying she was coming over and not knowing that she was going to. I met her, She’s perfectly nice, not attractive in conventional standard. I think ok, maybe I’m overreacting. I say bye and he hugs me in the centre of the room and acts perfectly lovely.My problem is they text a lot, mundane but it makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s not like they’re life long friends. He said, it’s too bad something happened between them because he won’t be able to hire her to work with him and that I won’t let him near her. I would never say that. But for respect of my feelings shouldn’t he not want to? Am I just way overreacting? So much baggage...
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 May 2017):
 Amen to WiseOwlE's advice.
Words are SO darned cheap! He doesn't KNOW that he wants to be with you for the rest of his life after knowing you for 2 months. THAT is just how he THINKS he cam get you to stick around even WITH his shady dealings with former sexual partners of his.
DECIDE if you are OK with him STILL being so wrapped up with the ex and this ONS or not. If you are not, GIVE him his walking papers because HE will not change. He might make up ALL kind of lame excuses and reasons why he HAS to be able to talk to these women. And ... other women.
You said it yourself, OP... SO much drama and baggage.
And he likes to manipulate people around him starting with YOU. THAT will only escalate.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2017): I don't have a good feeling about this at all, my dear!
He is employed by an ex-girlfriend who put the moves on him; and she has a built-in excuse to message him anytime she wants? She has power over his livelihood. She can fire him at a whim. He would have a weak case for sexual-harassment; because it's his word against hers; and they had a prior romantic-relationship. The case would almost be laughable; and a waste of time and legal fees.
Then, he has a one-night-stand he picked-up; and she still messages him? All I can do is roll my eyes about that!
Let me first clear your foggy-head. How can a man know you for two measly months and want to spend his life with you?
Don't you know a line of bullsh*t when you hear it?
Women go completely dumb and limp when a man says "I love you" or implies marriage. It's way too soon for him to know or to feel so strongly. If you feel that strongly already; then perhaps there's something wrong with both of you!
Real feelings need time and nurturing. Real feelings connect, develop, and are established after a series of phases. That progression in emotions and feelings needs both parties to be well-acquainted. At least well enough to know who they're falling for and why!
You are right to feel uncomfortable about it. He has placed you in a position where you can't say or do anything about his involvement with these females on the fringes of your budding relationship. That's slow poison!
My advice? Drop it and move-on. He's got built-in drama, and all the odds are stacked against you.
His compelling argument is only to lower your defenses and to seek your permission to screw you over. He's got ladies on the side, and he wants them to stay!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 May 2017):
 Are you going to be able to deal with this long term or not? You said yourself it's a lot of baggage. You need to think long and hard whether you can put up with this.
You haven't been dating long so if you're going to get out, nice and early would be the correct time.
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