A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife is into facebook and constantly takes pictures of us and our son (5 years old) and puts them up on her facebook page.She has something like 200-300 facebook "friends" (I'm not sure how many because her friends list is blocked and I don't have access to her FB account). She says she limits who can see the photos to her "friends", but I'm not completely comfortable having photos of everything we do together being posted for all her "friends" to see. We recently bought a relatively large new house in an upscale part of town and I asked her not to post photos of the house on her FB page. She contends that once we have a party at our house (she likes to throw parties) her friends will take pictures and post them on their FB pages anyway. (many of her friends are also heavy into FB and constantly post photos of everything they do on FB) Although she limits who has access to the photos on her FB page, one of her "friends" could easily copy and forward the photos to other people. If nothing else, it seems to me this is giving potential burglars a nice view of everything they could steal at our house. About the only way to avoid this is to tell my wife not to post photos of the house on FB and either not have people over, or ask them not to take pictures in the house. Given that she and her friends love to throw parties and they all take lots of photos at the parties and post them on FB, it would be a little "odd" to ask them not to take photos at our house. My impression is that part of the reason my wife so anxious to post photos of the new house is because she wants to show it off to her friends. Her group of friends are very competitive with each other, and they constantly check out what the other friends in the group are wearing, what they're driving, etc. I knew this about my wife when I married her, so I can't really complain about it now or expect her to change.I'm not sure, but I think my wife would get quite upset if I were to "put my foot down" and say no photos at parties at our house and no posting of photos of our house on FB.Am I being unreasonable for not wanting photos of our house posted on FB? I'm a private person, and I'd prefer to keep at least some part of my life private. Also, from my point of view, I can't see a compelling reason to post the photos. I haven't said anything about the photos of me and our son that she's posted even though I'm not completely comfortable with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): I dont think youre being too unreasonable. I think FB is causing alot of problems. People seem to only put pics or the comments up to show off that they actually do stuff in their life. I just don't understand how they have time to do anything when theyre constantly uploadin pics or updatin their status.
You have to talk to her and decide between the both of you what is acceptable. There are hackers out there.. people can find their way round security. Buut how often does that atually happen?
The fact that FB is causing problems like this is just crazy!! I don't think it's normal, it's become an addiction to society. People need to back away from it abit and stop telling everyone everything about their lives!!
A
female
reader, Sanieblue  +, writes (24 August 2011):
You have every right to be annoyed and I agree with you to some extent. Personal photos should be limited and if you disagree with any photos of yourself and your son being posted you have every right to tell your wife not to post them. I also think to much is taken for granted as far as pictures are concerened when anyone can take a photo and post it to facebook. As you say these photos can be copied and recopied etc.........My daughter who is 25 was on the bus the other day and sitting in front of her was a man with his phone on looking pictures of her on her facebook. This disturbed her very much and she came home and deleted her facebook. She said it was very frightening to see someone she did not know or like the look of having access to her every move and all her pictures etc another incident and I am not kidding here. On the bus again she bumped into a man who then screamed at her 'oh my god its you' 'you brighten up my day every morning' he had copied her picture from facebook and saved it onto his computer and uses it as a screen saver!!!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (24 August 2011):
Yea, I feel you are definitely being unreasonable. It is quite normal to share pics of what happens in one's life on facebook. Family vacations, weddings, dinner parties, even mundane things like giving the dog a bath... it is all perfectly acceptable to share. That's one of the main purposes behind facebook, to give your friends some insight into your life, from the little things to the major events. I post pics of just about everything I do, and I don't think twice about it. There's no harm as long as the security settings are set properly to "friends only".Now it is not unreasonable to set some boundaries - for example, I feel you would be justified objecting to pics of you or your wife in your underwear. Such pics would not, strictly speaking, break facebook's policies since we're not talking about nudity... but something that personal doesn't need to be shared publicly. That said, I have friends that do go as far as to share pics of that nature. It's a situation where they are comfortable doing it, so they do! The majority of people don't go that far, though. My standard is to ask "is this pic one I would be OK with displaying on the wall in my home?". If the answer is yes then I post it. Because really that's all facebook is doing in terms of pics... sharing with others the same types of things they would see displayed when you invite them into your home.You're being paranoid - thinking that someone is going to case your house online and break in to steal your possessions. That's just not logical. There are 700 MILLION facebook users. Plus, there's nothing on your wife's profile that lists your address. Why would there be? Your good friends already know where you live, and either know or will know what you own. Your wife isn't sharing anything that will put you at risk.I understand you are a private person, but you have an antiquated notion of privacy. This is the digital age, the game has changed. When you fly, someone looks at a screen and sees what you look like naked thanks to modern scanners. Now you tell me, what's more intrusive to your life? A TSA employee looking at you naked, or friends looking at pics of you and the family enjoying a day at the beach?If you want to really have your eyes opened, look into a smartphone app called foursqure. I, and millions of others, use foursquare to "check in" when we go places. My friends then instantly know where I'm at! The idea behind foursquare is to intentionally share your location, in real time, so that your friends can potentially join up with you. So if I check into a bar at 9pm on a Friday night and my buddies... or maybe a girl that has a crush on me... isn't up to anything, they have the option of meeting me there. If a celebrity like Ashton Kutcher can use foursquare and not worry about it, then why can't I?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): OP here. I didn't quite finish the thought at the end of my post: I haven't said anything about the prior photos of us, but I would like to have at least some privacy in my life. It would be nice to have at least one place on this planet that is exclusive, private, an escape of sorts that is not plastered all over FB.Is this unreasonable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Hi all girls will always post on fb pictures of there life its normal thats the only way that she can communicate with her friends and by showing pics of her life her friends get to know whats happening just accept her tell her to not put to many photos of your guys life cause I understand that you feel uncomfortable hope this helps good luck
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