A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi my question is pretty brief and it goes like this...Do most people that cheat end up telling their partners or keep quiet? I have been trying to research this on the internet and have so far come up with that most keep quiet.What do y'all think?Apparently a high percentage of infidelities never get found out....interesting.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): Great answers, thanks guys! OP
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (25 August 2011):
There is no real answer to this question, only guesses, estimates and statistical probablilities. Of all the people who cheat, some tell, some don't tell but get found out, and some don't tell and don't get found out.
I would guess that accross the whole population spectrum, there is a greater percentage of people who would rather try to get away with it than tell the truth. However, some of those will eventually admit to it over time, as it affects the relationship.
It doesn't make it true though, just a guess.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Yes, a large number of infidelities never get found out.
My husband has cheated on me with 2 women that I found out about. I suspect there are more but he will never admit to it. Why? Because a cheater never reveals any more than they have been caught with.
When I asked him if he had cheated, he lied and said he hadnt. I found out through other means that in fact he had been living a secret double life behind my back for 5 years.
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A
female
reader, tigerfeet  +, writes (24 August 2011):
I agree most men never get found out.Although an astute wife really knows deep down but never mentions it.The cheater thinks he's got away with it but not really.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Thanks for taking the time to reply dude :) - OP
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): I only ever cheated once. It was foolish, and I destroyed a 22 year relationship as a result. I told. Had to. Even though the marriage was in trouble, and I'm pretty sure it would have failed anyway, I could not bear carrying around a lie or deceiving her any more. So I told her.In the long run, I think it is always better to be honest. If one cheats, there are problems in the relationship to begin with, and covering up the infidelities only adds to the tension and problems. Cheating is a one time, or brief affair. Being a coward and a liar lasts forever. But, some infidelities are so minor that it may be better to just chalk them up to a mistake and move on. It really depends on the severity, the intent and duration of the affair (was it a drunken, one time thing or a 10 year affair?). It also depends on the couple, their bond and how strong their love is. Some couples survive infidelities, and some marriages become stronger from them. I think these are understandably in the minority, but it does happen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): I buy that a large number of infidelities never get found out. If it is a one time thing, or even a brief fling, it would be quite easy in most cases to conceal from one's partner. So unless the cheater is caught red handed in some way (witnesses, evidence is left, etc.) the only way it'll ever be known is if they feel so guilty they divulge the digression on their own.The odds of getting caught go up substantially in the case of a long term affair. Also, if an affair endures then it is a good indicator that the primary relationship is not working anyway. So I'd bet that a majority of those situations do come out in the end. Either the cheater slips up, or they eventually say something because they want to move on or they want to try and save their relationship.To answer the the other part of your question, I definitely believe that the overwhelming majority of cheaters keep quiet. I had an ex cheat on me with several other men, and as far as I know only one of the men ever got found out by their spouse. So if you look at the odds that way, something like 90% of her affairs were a secret in respect to the other relationship.
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