A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating the same girl for about 18 months, and we have had few problems, other then one reoccurring thing. When we first started dating, she lied to me about something saying she didn't do it, and swore to me, only for me to find out that she had lied. Then later in the relationship, there were some douche bag guys who told me they were trying to break us up, but she didnt believe me when I said it, and even though I begged her not to, she went and hung out with them. Then there was a time when she would text all these different guys who like her, and I asked her to stop since I did for her when she asked me to, but she kept doing it until it became a problem (one guy started asking to have sex, and she freaked.) which leads me to believe she may be a bit.. dim.. when it comes to the obvious. There were a couple of occasions like this, then the most recent being she has begun to hangout with a new crowd, and they are all trash. I told her I wasnt completely comfortable with her around these people, and would appreciate if I at least knew what they were doing when they were hanging out. So she was late to my house one morning, about 6 hours late. And I asked what she did the previous night. She said that she had just watched movies with the group, nothing harmless. I didn't give it another thought, since I believed her. I then find out from a close friend that she had went over and gotten wasted with her new friends, and 3 of the guys there like her. She also ended up sleeping on a couch with another guy. I flipped, naturally, and confronted her. And admitted to it, and I asked how long she has been doing that, and she replied only 2 times previous. She is my 4th girlfriend, and I am her first boyfriend. I can say without a doubt she would never cheat on me, and I bet my life on that, but still the thought of me asking her not to, and then she goes and (just the idea of) sleeps in the same bedding as an older guy who likes her.. She is 17 and I am 16. I usually work all weekend every weekend, so I dont hangout with her crowd. Am I being unreasonably upset about this? I know she loves me, my gut says so, but I think if anything she doesnt respect me, which I believe lies in her relationship with her father, since they were never close. I understand respect is a huge thing in a relationship, but she can be a little immature in that respect. She swore she would change, and the look on her face convinced me. Another gut feeling. The reason I ask is because I want an outsiders opinion on all this. And what should I do? She confessed to everything and apologized sincerely, swearing she will never do it again, but I dont know anymore due to the past lies. Suggestions?other important things:- She is not a flirt- She does love me, I can tell- If your going to make a comment on my age, don't bother.- I have asked her to never drink unless I am there, because when I was younger my mother was abusive because of it, leading me to be sensitive to it, and she knows this.- my theory is, she does love me and intend the best, but just has no respect for me, but is starting to.- We have had sex, if that helps any.-
View related questions:
flirt, immature, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 September 2010):
"She is not a flirt" - Wrong. She clearly is if she's doing all this with other guys.
"She does love me, I can tell" - Is that why she lies and sleeps on the couch with other guys?
Your age doesn't matter anyway.
"I've asked her not to drink unless I'm there etc" - You can't control her. You have no right to control how she drinks.
- A relationship without respect can't go anywhere, and she's treating you like a doormat. Worse, you're allowing this and you're making excuses up for her behaviour. I sincerely doubt she will change. It takes years to chance, and a person has to do it for themselves. Seems to me that you took a lot of abuse from your mother, and you're looking for familiarity so you're now with a girl who is also an abuser of men. I'd suggest not bothering with this girl, and finding one who does respect you.
|
