A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator Note: Question orginally poster under the heading 'Do I owe my ex closure?' Link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-i-owe-my-ex-closure.html]Hi, I'm in a bit of a quandry. I posted before but there were a couple things I left out. I was with my ex for 6 years and I walked out last March because I felt like she was just with me out of habit. The problem is I just disappeared and she still needs 'closure'. She has phoned me from time to time and we've chatted over the phone. I must admit I wasn't very nice to her but I think she still loves me. I do still care about her and I haven't met anyone else who I connect with like we did. If Im honest I thought the grass was greener and Id get a younger slimmer woman with more money etc. At thet time I think I was stressed about my ex wife and our divorce (I was going through a divorce when I met my GF and she was with me through it all).I am bitter cos of an angry text she sent me soon after I walked out. I didn't tell her I was walking, I just blanked her. She said she sent the text cos her friend was egging her on and she was desperate to see me or speak to me. She still wants to meet up. I have mixed feelings. Do I owe her anything?I would even consider maybe getting back with her if she hadn't sent that text. We knew each others kids and all went away together and had Xmases together etc and she says im treating her like she was a 'one night stand'. I do still care about her but I am messed up because of my divorce and angry about that text. I must admit I had sent her a nasty email just after I blanked her and walked out and she said in the text that her friends said she should send that email to my boss. I work as a policeman so I panicked when she said that. She never did send it to my boss and she said she just sent the text in anger egged on my one of her friends. She is actually not a bad person and I must admit that most women would not have taken a lot of the stuff I have thrown at her. I don't really have any good friends as such to talk to and I am not really in touch with my family and sisters much. My ex GF's friends dont like me much I dont think and this doesnt help. I would appreciate any advice if anyone has a minute. Cheers. Mick.
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divorce, ex girlfriend, ex-wife, money, my boss, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (14 November 2009):
 Having read this version, my answer remains exactly the same.. in case you missed it;
"Reading that actually makes me fairly angry, I'll be honest. You were with this girl, apparently wasting her time, for 6 years and you're too much of a coward to tell her why you walked out on her? What the hell has she done thats horrible enough to merit being completely blanked by someone she once trusted and loved? And not even just abandoning her as though she doesnt have any feelings, but sending her abusive messages? And then being more concerned about the security of your job than how you made her feel? And having the nerve to be indignant about a nasty text she sent you?? Sounds to me like she's better off without you, but she deserves an explanation (and by the sounds of it an apology..), as do her children (who have effectively just been abandoned by a father figure).
As for her friends not liking you, can you honestly tell me that you don't see why?
Reading this reply back, it might seem like I'm being harsh and judgemental, which I am not usually the type for. But I stand by what I've said, and I hope you man up and do whats right by everyone here."
(In light of your reason to leave being that you didn't feel she was good enough for you, I would suggest you get your inflated ego back in check, and soon.)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): This is very disturbing to me.
That's what men do:they just dissapear!!!
I think all women at least once had a man in their life who JUST DISSAPEARS!!!
Cowardly behavior that has no excuses. Why does this poor woman even wants to be w/you. You were looking for younger, slimmer model w/ MORE MONEY???
What are you -a gigolo, who feeds of women? By the way, how do you look? Are you in an exelent shape, handsome enough, have enough money to actually get this younger, slimmer, richer version??
6 years waisted on someone so unworthy of any woman effection and love.
My advice; stay alone and don't even try to hook up w/any woman. All you bring is devastation and despair. Go spend some money and have a hooker for a night, and leave alone all female population.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 I am with Kelja on this one, you thought you could do better, you have found that you cant, now you are trying to justify your behaviour to yourself so that you can get your story straight and feed it to this woman
I think you are also a little scared she might send that email to your boss, the ethical thing for you to do would be to leave this woman alone, and let her get on with her life, with a bit of luck she might get over you and find somebody who treats her well, with respect, recognises all her good points and truly deserves her
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 Let me get this straight...you walked out on your girlfriend of 6 years, sent her a nasty email and then blanked her. She responds by sending you an angry text message.
Now after some months pass, you can't find a better bargain so you're willing to go back to her except you can't forgive her for the angry text she sent?
You were unresponsive to her needs of closure. After 6 years you did owe her an explanation as to why you were leaving but you walked out on her. What you did was cruel and selfish. She's forgiven you for these actions but you can't forgive this woman for the text she sent....which can you not realize was sent by her in frustration and desperation?
Leave the woman alone. She is so much better off without you because I am sure she has found someone who is kind and tender and who treats her like a queen. She deserves so much more than what you have to offer. Which really is the opportunity to plop in her bed until you feel the need to once again abandon her for the better bargain.
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