A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Me and my boyfriend been together for 3 years now and we lived together for 2 years. I moved here in california last year. Before, he asked me to stay with him and not to moved anymore but i said i cant because i cant live with the weather in vegas anymore so he let me go. Its been a year that were having a long distance relationship and we had some ups and down also. The first time, we had an arguement and lasted for almost a week that we havent talked to each other so i called and asked him whats goin on and he said he wants to be alone and wants to end the relationship already. I tried to work things out, i told him im not going to give him up easily, so i flew to vegas and had a talk with him and so far we decided to not end the relationship. He told me later on that hes getting or depressed sometimes thats why he said things that he didnt mean sometimes. i totally understand whats he's goin thru or been goin thru so i became more patience, understanding, caring , loving name it, i gave it to him and still giving it to him because thats how much i love him only that i wasnt there physically to take care of him like i used to. My parents wants us to get married already so i asked him i does he have any plans of getting married? but he said he is not ready for it yet. I said thats fine. Now that were going to be 4 years , i keep opening up the marriage topic, settle down and have family because were not getting any younger anymore. On the marriage, he keep saying soon, but i dont know when is soon. About having baby, he said of course he also wants to have a little sugar, specially if twins, boy and girl because hes going to name them Colt and Barretta which names after the guns ( he used to be in 82nd airborne) then all of a sudden he just said he doest know what he wants! And told me he dont like to have kids yet. I wasnt sure what i felt at that moment when he said that to me. Was i too pushy about those issue or topic that i made him uncomfortable and confused? Should i just wait whenever he is ready to settle down? Please advice
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female
reader, lacexoxo22 +, writes (17 December 2008):
 I would say that yeah you were a little too pushy with him. First of all, I wanna say that kids and marriage should have never been brought up, considering that he is in another state..long distance relationships almost never work out (you can trust him fully, he cant trust you, abandoment, rejection, lonely...theres a million and one reasons). I don't know how old either of you are, but it sounds to me like your too young to decide on any of those things, take it from me I am 24 and got pregnant and married at 17, and well, I'm divorce already! Another thing, if you had to initiate the conversation of kids and marriage to the guy, that's another red flag. If he's really that into you and wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him, he will tell you those things, not you telling him and waiting on him to make up his mind. Guys work in ways we could never come to fully understand. My advice, as hard as it may be to take..cut off contact with him for a month or so. I know it's gonna be hard to do cause us girls can never stay off the phone or help but talking to the guy we "love." But just hold out as long as you can. Give him a chance to miss you, to think about you, to reassure himself of what he wants and whether or not it's you. If within this time, if he doesn't call you....then that should be all the answer you need right there. If you haven't talked to him in 2months and he doesn't even bother to call to see if your still breathing....he doesn't care about you and is probably already with someone else, if he isn't already. I really would like to know how this all turns out for you, so if you dont mind, e-mail me and keep me posted..or if you just wanna talk about it and need more advice. Good luck, I hope you get what you want. [email address blocked]
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