A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Happy holidays everyone! Hope all of you are doing well and enjoying this time of year.I recently found myself in a place where I am angry at one of my dear friends, “H”. Now there have always have been little things that irritate me about her, but she is general a solid friend and overall we get along very well. Recently she made a comment that both hurt my feelings and angered me, I think I might be being hypersensitive and wanted to get some feedback about it.Now, a little background, I have a pack of friends who sometime get together. We are all attractive and educated women in our late-20's to early 30's. There is one girl, “J”, who is a sweetheart and is also very pretty. She is thinner then the rest of us and has this amazing long dark hair. Just a natural beauty. She is also one of my besties, and we get along very very well.Well, I happen to work with “J” a few times out of the month and one day we were at an office site we had been too several times before. Another women, in her late 50's who had also struck me well, came up to both of us an said "my son doesn't believe that there are good women out there who are both beautiful and good hearted. Would it be okay for me to take a picture and show him that just not true." Now, since we were both in her space and I have a good sense of self..lol, I naturally assume that she was talking to the both of us. As I went in for the picture, the women asked me to get out of the photo. I was shocked, and immediately called her out on her rudeness. It's fine that she thinks “J” is more beautiful, “J” is a beautiful women and I am genuinely not upset or jealous by this. Perhaps she wanted to set her son up with “J”, who knows. I was just shocked that she would think it's okay (especially as a women herself) to step out of the picture. It just seemed so insensitive to me. The women tried to make up excuses like "oh, I thought you were married" which was clearly her trying to cover her bum and do some damage control. I have no ring on any fingers..at all, and we have never spoken that much about anything except smiled and greeted one another in the office. I let it go, but felt so horrible the whole day. I commented to “J” how rude that was, and she agreed. After that, that women and I never really spoke again and avoided one another in general.Anyway, I was recently telling “H” and another friend this story over breakfast a few weeks ago. I can't remember what we were discussing, but it naturally fit into the conversation. Once I finished tell the tale and ended with the "can you believe that?" Our other girlfriend "M" exclaimed, "that must have been so terrible!" to which “H” replied "Especially, since it is someone like “J”." I felt slapped in the face all over again. Here I was, telling this story that made me vulnerable, only to be hit again. Now, I get that she also may feel “J” is prettier than me, but for her to say that was just plain insensitive and hurtful. Not really knowing what to say and feeling hurt again (this time by a trusted friend) I was a bit silly and defended myself by saying "well, I think I am just as attractive as “J” in my own way." My friend “H” agreed adding "yes" but the comment was already said. I then went on to add that beauty was also more than skin deep. I was just hurt and my ego could not allow for it. Now, it's been over a month and I see this friend and I feel completely irritated by her. To the point where I lag responding to text messages, and just don't want to get together as much with her. I am pretty sure that “H” is not aware that it is due to this comment, as right after and the week right after she “H” made this comment, I played it cool and “H”'s comment didn't bother me that much till it started to fester. Now, the thing that she use to do which kind of irritated me, REALLY irritate me and the thought of her being around her angers me. I feel very annoyed by her in general, almost to a point where I don't want to be her friend any longer. Now, I wish I didn't feel this way or take this to such heart, but the truth is I do. This seems very immature on my end to me, but I can't seem to shake this feeling.My question is: Am I over reacting to this whole situation? Apart of me feels like I need to get over myself and another part of me feel like I have a right to distance myself. Like I said, there are certain qualities about “H” which I have always found irritating (always asking for the passcodes to my paid for websites where I watch films, her general noisiness, her polly-anna like nature) but she a good person overall and I do care about her. Just wanted to get feedback from others about this. Maybe I am being too hard. What say you?
View related questions:
immature, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for taking time out! I really appreciate your input:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015): about time you changed those passcodes because you are trying to get your life back under control.It certainly is irksome when people start getting under your skin and a bit disconcerting when you are not sure why.it sounds to me as if you are/have been in the role of queen bee or pack leader.You are feeling a subliminal isult based around the photo moment.I think the confusion arouse from the fact that this woman is probably genuinely looking for a partner for her son.In the context of the evening i think it was natural for you to step forward for the photo shoot.The problem arose when she asked you to step out of the photo.It was a little clumsy of her perhaps.It has made you feel uncomfortable because that is not something you do to a queen bee...or a pack leader...it is something you do amongst families and i am sure that was all it meant for that one moment.however it is not a good anecdotal tale particularly because there is no outcome.Said son has not asked j out.Said woman has not reappeared with more party tricks.The nuance is not on the beauty aspect but on the goodhearted bit..it was good hearted of you to step out of the picture.It would be good hearted for you to brush this off as just an unusual party moment because at the moment thats all it stands to be.The more gossip about this ones attention to this detail or that detail, the more it escalates into a fashionable gossip tale, a did you hear what happened when that photo was taken...oh..no...and how didi she take it etc etc etc.I suggest you get on with something interesting to you like booking a holiday or joining an art class..anything that redefines you a bit and where your current irritation can die down a bit.Its your life and you can not be defined by momentary transitory events..you need to apply yourself to other things than beauty which is only skin deep.
...............................
|
