A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem concerning a married man. I feel as though I have been 'played' but I am not sure how it happened. My head is all over the place. I am normally quite sensible and I'm definitely not interested in men who are with someone, married gf or otherwise.A married guy has been hitting on me at work for some months now and recently somehow we got emotionally close. Anyway then he started being overtly sexual so I called him out about it and now he seems to be feeling bruised and sorry for himself and I am feeling sorry for him. I feel as though strings I never knew I had are being pulled. I actually feel sorry for him. He is acting all hurt and sensitive, as if I have somehow accused him of being a paedophile or some such.I am annoyed with myself and annoyed with him. How is it that someone who is, to all appearances anyway, such a nice normal family man, can be like this. One of my close colleagues said it is basically 'seedy and creepy' what he was saying and yet if you met him at work or at a work do you would only see clean cut, nice, professional decent family man. Is he a nice guy who just got carried away or is he a creep?I haven't spoken to him for about a week and a half but he has my head all over the place as he is acting hurt and sad and feeling sorry for himself.I am a grown up woman with adult kids and he is a grown up man with teenage kids so we are not teenagers. He says he feels very attracted, connected to me and has a deep understanding with me and if he did not have children he would be 'with you in a flash'.I am trying to avoid him but finding it difficult as well as feeling sorry for him. The thing is I genuinely did not see this coming or even fully realise what was happening.Has anyone else found themselves unexpectedly in this position ever? Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (29 December 2015):
"Recently SOMEHOW we got emotionally close."
Translation - you liked the attention and welcomed it, and are now getting worried that its turning to sex.
What am I missing here?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): Ever? like a 100 times!
Please dont feel sorry for him. He is just looking for sex on a side.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): Thanks OP here. I did do a reply but it seems to have got lost. My colleague, who I am friends with, said all along he was hitting on me but to be honest I naively thought he was just messing/joking, having banter. Some people are after all natural flirts. It's just left me feeling quite weird and I can't explain why. Re feeling sorry for him I guess it's just him playing me, doing a little boy poor me puppy dog eyes thing and I just fell for it stupidly. Thanks for your honest answers x
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (28 December 2015):
 What do you feel sorry for him about? That you didn't provide him the opportunity to cheat on his wife? Or to mess with you emotionally even more? Or tag you along as his other woman?
Since you have decided that there is no future, then be sure he gets to understand that. If he is incapable of understanding the nice way that you are a no-go, I see no reasons why you shouldn't use any other way for him to leave you alone, and not feel sorry for it, but good that you are no longer bothered.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): This is OP. My work female friend said he was hitting on me all along but i thought he was just joking/messing. This has left me feeling quite weird. I think he thinks I am harsh because he us this 'nice man' & now I've made him feel bad/embarrassed. Not sure but it is weirding me out.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 December 2015):
 He's a creep.
sorry. He's cheating and lying to his wife (trust me if you asked if he minded if you called her and asked her how she felt about the conversations you had with him he would be very upset as I'm sure she has no clue about this work flirtation)
It's one thing to have "a work spouse" I have had them... they are friends of the opposite sex at work but an appropriate "work spouse" does NOT cross the line.
this creep crossed the line and when you PROPERLY called him on it, he sulks and pouts like a child and tries to guilt YOU into giving in so he can have more fun and games.
WHY pray tell do you feel sorry for HIM?
TEEN children do not need their parents to be married. He's using his children as an excuse and is hoping your sense of morals will be overruled by the guilt you feel at hurting your buddy.
keep him in the rubbish bin.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): he has got you feeling sorry for him which should remind you that he is emotionally manipulating you.
He has no right to be imposing himself on you with his hurt feelings about a backfired plan.
It would be interesting to know what exactly his plan was?
He could have been overstepping boundaries in the hope that you would drop your guard enough for him to take advantage of you.
I would treat him as a devious creep because you are at work and he is going for any type of entanglement.
It would be good if you could relocate or at the minimum make sure you are never alone or in a position of vulnerability.
Now is the time to get onto the union and get some representation for harrassement at work ie sexual harrassement.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): Leave one another alone, you're married.
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