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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My fiance who I have been for with 7 years is a nice guy but I do not know if he really cares about me. He has forgotten by birthday twice, does not buy me things unless I ask and never comments to me about looking pretty or anything. Even my engagement ring is pretty cheap because he spent to much on his own dirt bike which I paid for half of it. He however always tells me he loves me and also is very affectionate. He knows how I feel and only replys with babe. I don't think he knows what kind of catch I am because I am not bad looking, dirt bike, have money and own a lot. Am I being taken for granted or am I just seeking for too much?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): I just wanted to thank everyone for their answers. They have all helped me. Thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): "I think we are all treat how we allow ourselves to be treated".
Sometimes being in a long-term relationship, the man and sometimes it can be the women get soooo comfortable, they take the other for granted without even realising it. They are so reassured in the fact you are not going anywhere they start to make little effort or no effort, depending on how far you allow it to go (forgetting birthdays, not returning your calls straight a way) you get the picture. You become more like a mother figure then a GF/Wife.
I dont think you need to break up, i think you maybe just need to shake things up a bit...!!! I also dont believe he's purposely taking you for granted, no doubt he probably is but is bad habits which have grown with time.
Time for a spring clean: Be more assertive, make him want to do things for, dont moan about what hes not doing, say what you think (put it in a jokey way but get your point across. Example: paying for things: "no baby i think its your turn". Just like training a dog, do not reward him for his bad behaviour. When he does something which you do not appreciate, draw back just a little from him (dont go and buy him the dirt bike he wanted), make him realise he has to make an effort to please. When your birthday comes around, warn him!! "im going to buy a sexy new dress for my birthday, i might go out with my friends... Hope your getting me something nice ;)" Get his attention, he might even offer to take you for a birthday meal.
We all get comfortable in our relationship sometimes, even my husband might come home late from the gym. For the rest of the week when he comes home on time, i notice and im happy he did. He got my attention lol
I think your partner is only half of the problem, maybe you need to change your habits too.
hope this help
take care x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 At what point did you start to wonder if he cares?
If he never gives you complements, can you imagine living an entire life without complements? Not to bring you down, but my aunt got divorced after 18 years of marriage because she was tired of never getting a complement.
And you have to stop spending your money on this things. I recently found myself in a situation where I paid for most things, and it was a complete financial imbalance. A couple needs to be financially compatible, thats my new philosphy. Otherwise you will feel you give and give and never get, just like you right now feel you are the one who is putting into the relationship and he just carries along without much effort.
Whatever you decide on it is clear you are not happy. And you can not marry a man who does not make you happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Well seven years is a long time to be engaged - why haven't you tied the knot completely?
Personally, and I know many will disagree, but missing birthdays, not making any kind of comments about you as a woman, person even if NOT often, or buying a cheap engagement ring shows signs of much more of this to come. You have the real person now, warts and an all, and NO I don't believe it's callous to desire more input from a partner on ALL levels.
I wouldn't be with a man like that, but that is me, as I don't believe is compromising so much you end up in a relationship that 10, 15, 20 years down the line, is an extension of all the traits, qualities your are complaining of now, ONLY MAGNIFIED!
If your relationship as a whole was making you really happy, you wouldn't be on Dear-Cupid asking for advice, so I guess that answers that question, you are not overall happy.
Only you know what everyday is like with him, but sounds pretty dull to me..sorry, and why would you compromise so much, this is YOUR life we are talking about here. It's vital you consider this as at 22-25 IF he is the one, you have a long haul ahead of absolutely no romance or a man who can even be bothered to remember your birthday.
And NO I don't go with, well perhaps his family didn't do these things - god, he has a brain doesn't he, he can get a diary, calendar. Making these excuses for males, only makes it worse, it's a get out clause for them.
We end up usually with what we deserve, and what I mean by that, a lot of people tend to get into 'routine' 'habit' with their relationship and even though they know it's NOT doing it for them any more...society, and pressure says STAY with it. And many relationships are built on habit, not real compatibility.
You are young you have time on your side to think about this one..but I advise you to, and IF in all the other areas it isn't that good either, then take note of the signs.
Oh yes, and there are guys out there, who pass compliments, buy little gifts once in a while, remember birthdays, do romantic things...notes under a pillow, surprise weekend away, and in the long-term too, all my long term relationships (10 years +) were with men like this.
So keep positive!
Jilly
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): tell him to get his backside into gear and make more effort. Im sure he does love you but 7 years is a fairly long standing relationship and ppl fall into routines and behaviours, obviously he see's that behaving in this way is acceptable to you. However refering to yourself as 'a catch' and saying he doest no it is a bit daft. Obviously he does no because otherwise he wouldnt be with you and wouldnt ave asked u to be his wife. Take a step back from material things and concentrate on ur love, thats what relationships r about afterall, not how much we buy for eachother.
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A
female
reader, mrs.ajg  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 He probably doesn't do good with gifts but could've done better about the ring girl. If your always getting everything he might be taking advantage
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 October 2010):
Forgetting a birthday twice isn't exactly a great sign. Plus he never gives you that much, and as you say the ring comes across as cheap.
However, though it does seem somewhat callous, there might be reasons for it. Maybe in his household they didn't celebrate birthdays, and maybe gifts weren't important, or perhaps they just weren't given. It sounds as if he comes from quite a cold background.
Step away from the gifts and the comments, and look at your relationship as a whole. How does he treat you otherwise? Good or bad?
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