A
female
age
,
*uestionsgalore
writes:Hi. I've not been the greatest wife in the world. We have had stressors way beyond the norm and I have been the primary money earner throughout those times. I escaped from personal problems by throwing myself into my work and by drinking when I was not at work. I became an alcoholic. I've since been through rehab and I've tried to straighten myself out - I'm clean and sober for a year now and working on the depression that got me messed up. My husband is trying to stop his violent and controlling tendancies, but has never had professional help. I think things are getting better but, recently he has had a disagreement with someone at work and he warned me that she might try to call me to mess things up with us by telling me that he is seeing prostitutes or having an affair when he is working out of town. I guess I'm suspicious because that was his first concern regarding retaliation, instead of something to hurt him professionally. Am I being suspicious for nothing?Thanks.
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female
reader, lildeesbg +, writes (5 September 2007):
 I dont thing you are being too suspicious at all. You realized right away that something was fishy when he brought up an affair. Now what is the next step?....First of let me start by asking you, Do you think if he did have an affair will he eventually admitt to it?....If he does is it something you can overcome and forgive?...Do you think it is likely to happen again?It is going to be hard to get the entire truth without hard evidence. If he doesnt come clean it will be a he said she said situation. Heres the underlining outcome.... If he doesnt come clean and their is no hard evidence to prove he had an affair, then you have to deal with having trust issues with your husband. Without trust it will be hard to have a happy marriage and to move on successfully. If he does come clean then couples therapy might be needed to help rebuild trust. You have to really think about all these sides of the problem. Eventually, i think regardless of what he admitts or doesnt admitts to you need to confront him and tell him honestly that you are suspicious and why you are suspicious. If you can forgive his affair then let him know that if he comes clean its something your willing to work on. Whatever happens never doubt your own intuition. ~dee
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (5 September 2007):
 Yep i agree with the other poster. I had an ex telling me he didnt want us bumping into his ex because he knows she will say shes been seeing him, haha he was. Also another thing for girls to watch is when a guy says there are some of my old mates we might bump into some time that will say im a playa and ask what am i doing with him? Thats a classic when you first meet them. Uusally its because they are a playa! Its called covering yourself in advance before your past or bad ways catch up with you.C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Sorry i am sure ,you are not gonna want to hear this,but i have been in the work place affair ,and when it started to go wrong,my first response to my husband was saying,i had a fight with a woman at work who was jelouse of me and spreading rumors of me having a affair to cover my tracks.So i am going to say ,he was up to no good,it has started to go bad,and now he trying to cover up his tracks,before somehting gets out.The other side of my afair the man,also used the same excuse to his wife,when things at work got into the open some.Not a sure 100 percent acusation,but have seen it too many times as a excuse to cover tracks up,before it all comes tumbling down.In a way,what happens is when you do get the call or someone approaches you,or you hear rumors, he can then say i told you all about it before,so he can easily dismiss the conversation over it.
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