A
female
age
41-50,
*anther01
writes:I started a new job about 6 months ago, which is when I noticed a guy that caught my eye. I'm very fussy so was surprised that I actually liked him.I then found out that he had a girl friend. But having spoke to several others who I work with, he isn't in a happy relationship. When got talking he told me the same thing... when I asked what he's still doing there, he said if he leaves her right now he will end up with a lot of debt, he has a huge mortgage and will not be able to pay by himself and will end up losing a lot of money.He said she's pushed him away because of the way she's been with him and he no longer finds anything attractive about her. They live together just for the sake of it. Both work shifts and don't see much of each other.Although I told myself not to, I still did. I've been seeing him now for about 4 months. Most people at work know and have their opinions. He told me that he has strong feelings for me and cares a lot about me. He's worried about what's going to happen. When we have a disagreement, we are capable of communicating and talking about it to resolve it. No issues at all when we spend time together. He doesn't want me to see other men, which I wouldn't do anyway.He's assured me that they don't sleep together and haven't done for a long time (1 year). He's trying to sort things out around his house so that it's decent enough to sell.We're both 30 and in professional jobs. If I knew that he was happy and there was a slightest chance that he wants to make it work with her I would back off. I feel bad about this, but I believe that he can make me happy.Am I being silly? I won't ask about being selfish because I know I am.
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female
reader, Panther01 +, writes (12 April 2009):
Panther01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks for taking time reading my post, much appreciated. I take your comments on board.
To Zarathustra... what happened with your situation with regards to your first marriage?
I did have a chat with him last night and asked what his intentions were, he said he will have to tell her. As he does not want a future with her. He wants children too but with the right person. This may sound typical but due to this credit crunch he will end up owing the bank. He's also said that he needs to be sure of my intentions for the future as he stands to lose a lot. I do flirt but only to a limit, it's not because I'm interested, it's just a bit of fun. This sometimes worries him as he doesn't know whether I'm serious about him.
Not sure what I'm getting at but, the reason I feel bad is that someone doesn't know the truth. Some of the women I work with have said things about me but not him... however I know if they had the opportunity they would take it.
I'm not a bad person and would'nt intentionally go out and hurt anyone.
A
female
reader, JuJuBeans  +, writes (11 April 2009):
There's a really good article by Lisa Daily about your same dilemma here:
http://lisadaily.com/datingexperttv/2009/04/ask-lisa-hes-flirting-with-me-at-the-office-but-he-has-a-girlfriend/
I think there's something fishy about his story -- it feels a little cliche. Do you REALLY believe they're not sleeping together?
Protect yourself, honey. There's something fishy going on here.
J
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