A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and he's 27. I will be graduating from college next month and my boyfriend revealed to me that he wanted to take me on a special trip to celebrate my graduation the day after my graduation. However, I told him that I would love to go but that my college friend graduation celebration is the day after graduation and that I have plan to go there but would leave early so that we could leave for our trip - which was not thoroughly plan at the time. He told me no he changed his mind and would spend the time with his friends. he told me that I am putting my friend- whom he doesn't like-before him and would rather spend time with my friend at a party than a romantic trip with him. he is so unwillingly to compromise with me about pushing the trip back a couple of hour no longer than a day so that I may pay respects to my friend with whom I have known my entire college career- him only two years. he is making it seem like he has to compete with her but I feel that it is only fair that I have some say-so in how I would like to celebrate my graduation I mean the trip is a gift to me and apologized that I had prior plans. I stand firmly that I will not miss my friends graduation party for a guy who would stand by and encourage me to do so...But am I wrong, I am not being sympathetic to his perspective. I understand and is very grateful for the gesture but why can't we both compromise ... I leave the party early and he wait while I enjoy my graduation weekend. Am I asking for too much?!?!? He is not talking to me anymore because he thinks I choose my friend over him but I just spent my whole spring break with him and I haven't done anything with my friend(s) since my birthday last November. I have also spent every holiday with him and his family since we have dated...not my friends or family. Is he being controlling, manipulative? Or am I being selfish wanting my cake and to eat it to? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (17 April 2009):
 god no!he just wants to be able to control what you say and do and THANKFULLY for you, you stand your ground.i am glad you want to go to your friends graduation!good for you for telling him i mean if he can't compromise then there is no hope!i mean why do YOU have to do what HE wants to do ?like you say you to his family's and friends every holiday why not each holiday take it in turns?because he likes to control everything you do.he's saying to you about him going to be with his friends and stuff whilst you go to your friends graduation so that you'll feel guilty and he's hoping you'll cave and say fair enough i'll not go but i am glad you've not done that so far!!to be honest hun i'd give him up i mean he's not good for you he doesn't like that he can't control you as to where you want to go and stuff.you're not being selfish you're being reasonable!but that's what he can't handle!hope this helps :)
A
female
reader, isis82 +, writes (17 April 2009):
I think he sounds a bit controlling. I have been in similar situations before and I know it feels unfair. If I have learned anything it is that my friendships with my girlfriends come first. They support me in all I do and would never make me pick sides or make me feel guilty when I shouldn't have to. They have seen me thru relationship after relationship and have always been there for me in the end. Be there for your friend and don't let him make you feel guilty for it.
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