A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend and we have been together for a year and a half. We just moved in together in July. We have good times and bad times, like any couple. We are incredibly attracted to each other, and have an awesome sex life. A few months ago, I met a bartender that I am also very attracted to. We hang out occasionally and I go see him at work sometimes on slow nights. We flirt a lot, and recently I have felt a little guilty about it because I feel like it's beginning to become more than just goofy flirting. I mean, whenever I see him, he's always just super sweet and nice. But he's started being more forward with his flirting. He'll tell me I look really pretty or that I have beautiful eyes. Instead of just giving me a hug, he'll give me a hug and what I feel are almost inappropriate kisses on cheek or neck. Sometimes he just stares at me with what I can only describe as "the look." And I flirt back, but I keep it as light hearted as possible, so as to not give him the wrong impression.Problem is, I really really like the attention I get from him, and I find myself thinking about him way too much. He knows my boyfriend and we have a lot of mutual friends (small town!). And I know that he has a girlfriend, who is friends with several of my friends. I have been trying to avoid him, because I don't know what to do. I care deeply for my boyfriend, but I can't help but think about this other guy. I don't want anyone to think that I'm a bad person for it, but I have more than once thought, "This guy could be mine with a snap of my fingers. And I want him." I have never cheated on any boyfriend that I've ever had, and I'm actually considering it. It's like I want to, but I don't want to. I've been trying to think of ways to strengthen my relationship with my boyfriend so that I don't think of this other guy. But whenever I see him I get those feelings. And I don't want to just totally stop seeing him because he's my friend. What the heck should I do?? I'm not sure if this is an indicator that there are things missing in my relationship, or if I'm just being selfish and lusty. I just need some completely unbiased advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): I think the best thing for you to do is sit down and talk with your boyfriend because to be honest something is missing if you are considering cheating on him with this bar tender guy. It could very well be a sign that you are unhappy in your own relationship and if you two cant communicate and figure out what the problem is and come up with a solution together then I think its time to go your seperate ways as hard as that may be but I think everyone deserves true happiness.
A
male
reader, EN_Ken  +, writes (17 September 2009):
It's possible to be attracted to more than one person. Such is the facts of life. Just like a man and look at any number of women and say "She's hot" a woman can interact with any number of men and say "He's sexy." Attraction is about how you feel about a particular person regardless of whether or not there is someone else in your life.The important point is what you do about that attraction. Simply because you are attracted does not mean you must act on that attraction. Just because you could, does not mean you have to. Attraction is simply a natural response to another person.Ask yourself, who do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with? The answer to that question is what should guide your decision making, not your attraction.-Ken Phillips
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 September 2009):
 Maybe you want to look at your boyfriend and ask him to give you the affection you crave, which is what the bar tender is giving you.
If you don't want to cheat on your boyfriend, then the best suggestion is to avoid the bar, the bar tender and the desire to be hugged and kissed by a man that flirts with you, but doesn't love you.
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