A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently gotten my A level results and was supposed to go to uni and move in with my boyfriend of 3 years. Unfortunately I didn't get the results I needed and subsequently lost my place at university. I spoke to lots of people and they all advised me to retake my exams to up my grades and then reapply. This is what I was going to do until my boyfriend said that he wasn't going to accept it. He's said that he is not willing to wait another year and risk me not getting into to the same uni as him on the course that I want. He thinks I should accept another course (Biomedical Sciences) instead of continuing to apply for dentistry. e said that if I really loved him I would pick that course and go to live with him. I just don't know what to do? Am I being selfish? Or does he need to be understanding? Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): I'm the original poster.
Thanks for all your helpful advice. I told him that I was going to reapply for dentistry and was not going to settle for another course just so we could live together now. He's not happy about it but I told him that he would have to deal with it as I've always wanted to do dentistry. His parents and him are both really unhappy with my decision but I told them that I had to follow my dream otherwise I'd end up resenting my boyfriend later on. Thanks again for all your help!!
A
female
reader, hollykins_971 +, writes (27 August 2011):
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, your not being selfish, your being brain washed instead by, mr manipulator. What a selfish prick! not you, him. That's very manipulative! he is trying to make you feel guilty, so you will go along with his selfish plans. If he truly loved you then their is no way way he would make you prove your love for him.This is your life, and boyfriends can be replaced but you are all you have for the rest of your life so look out for number 1. If you don't do that then your putting your own needs aside for his, so your basicly lifeing your own life for him. Would he do that for you? i doubt it very much since he is selfish. Dump your boyfriend, because you can do better and yes, try again because you only get one life and think how you would regret it if you didn't chase up your dreams
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): If dentistry is really what you want to do as your career, I'd wait a year and try again. If your boyfriend loves you, he wouldn't expect you to give up your dreams simply to be with him. There's nothing to stop him starting his course this year.
If you've only chosen to do the course to be with him, then see if you can do something else at the same Uni. Dentistry though is a very full on course with much less free time than other degrees. So even if you are at the same Uni, you may not see much of him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 If he told you that you had to drink old, used motor oil in order to "prove" that you loved him, would you do that?The "answer" to your question is the very same as the answer to the one I've posed.....Good luck with your NEW boyfriend.... assuming that he (new B/F) understands life far better than the old one did..Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): You're not being selfish, he should be understanding. You could always say to him that if he really loved you, he would want you to do what you want with your life, and shouldn't have second best because he won't wait, he's the one that's being selfish.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 August 2011):
 I am sorry you didnt get the grades you wanted, but that is the lottery of University entry systems. There is no 'right' to a place at any University. Did you get the grades to be able to go to another Uni to do the same course? Or is this purely based on the fact you want to live with your BF? Did you disregard other courses to specifically pick this Uni?
When making the choice about picking a University, it should be based on the course and what is right for YOU... not for ease of living with a partner (who you may or may not still be with in 12 months time).
I think there are many issues here.
If he is already at the University, then another year down the line, and he will be finished, graduated, possibly having to move away for work.
He may be getting cold feet, and realising that actually he doesnt want to live with you, and he likes the freedom of being on his own at Uni. Being part of a live in couple would seriously limit his ability to just drop everything and socialise.
If he is putting off going to uni so that you can start together, then he is probably annoyed at having to hang back another year.
That being said it does sound like he is being a selfish idiot. It is your choice what course you do, not his. That choice could affect how your life pans out in the future and your future employability.
I think you need to seriously consider what you want from life, a relationship and your future.
You are 18. Do you honestly think this is the guy you will be with when you are 21/22... 35?
DO not throw away an opportunity to do what you want as a career for a guy who might not be your boyfriend for many more years. Once he graduates, he may well have to move away to get work.
If you feel it is the best thing to do, you should retake your exams and try again, but do remember you still may not be accepted at this particular university. Dont limit yourself just because of your boyfriend.
You are a young woman who is just starting out on the path of being an adult woman. Dont ruin a potentially great future by choosing a selfish man over your own dreams.
I know you have been with this guy for 3 years, but teenage relationships change and get strained at University. Very few couples last the distance because it is a totally new environment. New people, new feelings, new things to do..... feedom to do what you want when you want.
First year university you will experience things you have never done/seen before. And a lot of that is reliant on the fact that people are young free and single.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): you're not being selfish at all. It's your future you're talking about, it's not just a silly choice. Do what you want to do, not what he wants to do. If he doesn't accept that, he doesn't respect you
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