A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:So I've asked somewhat of a similar q before..but what I'm wondering now is - am I selfish?I'm used to dating guys that have alot of free time and my bf has not had alot of time lately(when we met he did).He has 2 jobs hospital and reserves(2 wknds a mo=reserves).Recently he got put on suspension from his hospital job until they decide to let him go or keep him.1st the hospital job changed his hrs to days (12 hr days and hes a night owl/having trouble adjusting) When he worked nights..we saw each other way more. The shift change=him always tired, the suspension=still seems he has work related stuff to do even tho hes "free".I see him once a wk now..if anything and before it was almost every day or every other day.He still calls daily but now hes forgetful - forgets to call me back, he forgot our plans recently aswell.He constantly tells me he misses me but i find it hard to believe.I hardly contact him.. but its hard for me to have it like this and hes been promising itll get better and wants me to say "itll be okay" and just bear with him..but next month he starts school and I just dont see him having more time for me.His response to that is - he'll have time for me but if he gets more busy - he'll make time for me either way.I try to keep myself busy, hang with friends and want not..but i still miss him.I've told him all my concerns.. I've even given him an option to break up with me but he doesnt want to.He constantly tells me how great i am,talks about the future..marriage, kids (hypothetically..if that means anything i dunno).I try to be positive but i also live w my mother who is super negative towards men (shes been screwed over by men in her life ) and I feel its effecting me.She tells me he doesnt care bout me..he never sees me - negative comments bout him basically.I try not to talk to her bout him but shes my mom, im close to her and its hard not to talk to her.I trust and believe my bf and I see a future with him..but i get anxious, frustrated and worried this isnt gonna work out.. I even get depressed.I think he maybe depressed too but cos of work.I'm hoping this is just a bump in the road and that itll smooth out bit its soo hard for me to be positive..especially when I need reassurance and I live with captain negative.Should I just trust what he says and bear it for now and just enjoy the little time I DO get with him??.. I mean he still calls daily to say hello, ask how i am and say he misses me etc..(I dont ask him to)BTW im not working right now because i got hurt at work and recently had surgery.(I do keep myself busy tho) but im sure if i was working - id still worry that we hardly see each other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I don't think it's selfish of you to want to see your bf more than you do now. But with his crazy schedule I can see why. Jeez.
I would bear with him. This is life right now and as hard as it is to beleive, it will get better. If you really want to spend time with him, when my bf is really busy and just wants to come home and go to sleep, I'll watch a movie on the bed and hold him while he goes to sleep. Try little things like that. Or bring him dinner once in a while and spend that time with him while he eats.
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